TRON: Legacy ... A Clockwork Review

(Spoiler Alert)

I am writing this late at night having just returned from a midnight screening of TRON: Legacy. I was really stressed about this movie, how would it mesh into the much loved original (at least by me and a few friends) and would it live up to its hype or just be another in a long line of films I have waited for that have sorely disappointed me... The Short answer... I FREAKING LOVED THIS MOVIE.

I feel before I get into it I have to level set, amongst my friends I am not known as a hard movie pallet to please. I once said I liked ( just Liked) the movie “The Spirit” and ever since then I have been the Mental deficient responsible for all of hollywoods missteps and quite possibly responsible for the Holocaust. That said, Dave S ( Long time friend, best man and Godfather) sat through T:L like he was in a dentist chair and gave a one line summation of the movie as “When Hippy Jeff Bridges Showed up the movie went to Shit”, so my love of this movie will probably lead to me being treated as a special needs child.

But Love it I did...

Little things like the figure of the “Black hole” robot on young Sam Flynn’s shelf and his father retelling the story of the original Tron film, to the spectacular special effects grabbed me and sucked me in. Before seeing the film I had spoken with Tron super fan Amocay and I had talked about how it was odd that they called the movie “Tron: Legacy” since Tron was the name of the program that Bruce Boxleitner created in the original movie not Flynn (I know, i know...”geek much?)... but come to find out it was a entirely fitting name and led to a fantastic redemption scene towards the end of the film. The story its self, while not Shakespeare, I thought was solid. I could tell that the Younger Kevin Flynn and CLU were CGI but it was still impressive. The new Light Cycles and various other vehicles were spectacular... lots of Geek Eye Candy.

I Liked the beginning of the movie, where Sam interferes with a ENCOM board meeting and this led to one let down, they didnt go back to it at the end ( Though they did mention it to be fair), After all they even went as far as to put Dilenger’s son on the board... I wanted a little more.

The fight scenes were spectacular, the De-rezzing allot more brutal. The Violence (except for a few drops of blood) is probably the reason why the movie got a PG, I was impressed by its lack of bad language. I would even consider taking my Son Kevin to see this movie.

I felt that Jeff Bridges brought allot of the same mannerism from the first movie into the character of of the older Flynn. Garret Hedlund was enjoyable as Sam and had a Good screen presence. Olivia Wilde and Beau Garrett were... shall we say “extremely pleasant to look at on the screen” and will probably be firmly planted on the pantheon of Sci-Fi babes for years to come.

Though I will probably have to face years of mocking from my friends for saying so, I was not at all disappointed by this movie and enjoyed it, loved it. I can’t wait to see it again with my son to see what he thinks.

and a Clockwinder note: Though I love my friends dearly, i was’nt concerned what they thought of the movie... all except one, Amocay, in someways the original Tron is his Star Wars, so I was Delighted to get a text from him at 2:30 AM saying how much he loved the film “He liked it better then “Cats””. :o)

The Snodyssey ...

Last winter was hard, I think we got about 30 feet of snow... alright maybe not that much but we had more then our share and or norm... We Survived. This afternoon we got maybe a inch and a half and my life turned into a Epic of Galactic proportions.

First I had to drop my wife off to pick up her car in Newark, simple yes? It had already started snowing and I could tell that the Traffic Volume was picking up. It was then that I decided to cancel tonight's Den Meeting, I didnt want people worrying or hurrying to make a 6:30 meeting. I dropped Wife and youngest off ( I had to threaten a santa intervention to get the youngest to comply) and headed to wilmington to pick up my Eldest in wilmington.

As soon as I turned onto Kirkwood Hwy from Cleveland Ave ( My return from the Trojan War as it were) traffic was bumper to bumper moving no more then 5 mph... when it moved. This was strange because my entire time on Kirkwood Hwy i didn't pass a single accident. Finally right before Midway shopping center, Traffic opened up, I could maintain 25 mph... that is until I came up on someone doing 5 MPH, thats right, no one around them, just driving 5 MPH. Traffic was fairly normal up through Elsmere into Wilmington.

After I grabbed Kevin we headed down Maryland Ave to avoid the mess on Kirkwood Hwy... and I actually thought I had won, I had beaten the fates... then I hit Newport. From Newport to Staton alone took me over a hour. People would block intersections preventing traffic from moving, cars were bumper to bumper...only one or two cars making it through each cycle of the light... but still no Accidents.

It wasnt until we turned onto Ogletown rd that we began to see cars off to the side, again traffic slowed then came to a stand still, there was apparently a fender bender so people in both lanes decided to stop dead in the middle of the rd blocking both lanes. Luckly we were stoped by the turning lane that leads into the shopping center by Best Buy and the Home Depot by the hospital... I turned and decided to stop and get Kevin and I some hot dogs for dinner and see if traffic lightened up.

In the time it took us to eat a Hot Dog and some fries.... A christmas Miracle happened, the rest of the ride home went smoothly, though slow and thankfully we arrived home safely. Started our trip at 3:30 got home at 8:15, Not a good day for driving

Swing and a Miss!!!!

I neglected to post a Blog entry for yesterday... was running around a bit. Don't worry Clockworkians, I post something of little or no interest tomorrow!!!

Sci-Fi or Fantasy... Choose Wisely.

What if... At the gates of Geekatopia they made you choose “Line A for Sci-Fi fans and Line B for Fantasy fans”. I love both genres, but what if I had to pick one over the other, like my Nerdography would only allow me to pick one or the other before I could proceed to the next page.

Fantasy makes up, by far, the majority of my book collection. The novels of Leiber, Tolkien and Asprin mingle with the ancient tomes of Gygax and Perrin. In the MMorpg world I have played in far more Fantasy worlds then Sci Fi, WOW, EQII, DDO and WH. I love to lose my self momentarily in those tales of hardy adventurers struggling on epic quests, the flash of a blade the snap of a bow string. The conquest of Ancient dragons, twisted wizards and Goblin Hordes have thrilled me for years. My first Re-enacting like experience was a trip to the Pensic war in 1980 ( In Bill Waters VW van) and I remember walking the crowded tiki torch light streets at night imaging that this must be what its like to roam the crowed streets of a well written Fantasy city.

Now Science Fiction... is by far the largest portion of my Video/DVD library. I am often teased by my friends for my love of the original “Star Wars” trilogy and my admiration for “Bladerunner”. I certainly don’t have allot of shelf space devoted to Sci-Fi but it is there. Starship Troopers, Hitchhikers, Gibson and the Appleseed Manga mix here and there with a plethora of Star Wars books. Traveling through space and the infinite possibilities it offers, the blast of a energy weapon and the tension of a Dogfight in the void have always captivated me. As i stated in a earlier post Heinlein’s Starship Troopers is one of my favorite books ( Probably only slightly behind the Hobbit in the amount of times it has been read or listened to). I have been to a few Star Wars Celebrations, where the superfans go to get their Force driven Geek on and have loved every minute. Sci-Fi has supplied my imagination with countless hours of escape.

So if I had to pick... At blaster or Crossbow point... I might have to say Science Fiction but in doing so I would feel as though I had betrayed a friend, like picking one family member over a other to survive. Its odd, I remember the awe of watching Star Wars for the first time as well as the Magnificence of my initial reading of the Hobbit ( in my room at 27 Longview Dr. Sitting over the heating vent to keep me warm on a cold winter day). I wonder if it says something about a person (Besides how big a Geek we are) if they prefer one over the other? I am thankful that conventions don’t make us pick. Maybe this is why that my Favorite Olde Tyme Module is “Expedition to the Barrier Peaks” a blend of Science Fiction and Fantasy. If in a situation where you had to... how would you choose?

The Clone Wars.. or ... Clown Wars

I have watched the series “The Clone Wars” on the Cartoon Network, both the classical cartoon one and the CGI one and I have to say that I am still not sure how I feel.

I loved the Cartoon one by Genndy Tartakovsky, for some reason the style appealed to me and the stories weren’t that bad as well. There was one montage of Anakin being promoted to the rank of Jedi that I thought was powerful. I do understand that that form of animation doesn't appeal to everyone, I had liked Tartakovsky’s “Samurai Jack” so I guess I was predisposed to enjoy this one. There is one scene where Obi-Wan is trying to sleep in a trench during a siege, rain keeps dripping on him so matter where he turns or lays... even rendered in Tartakovsky’s unique style I found that believable.

Now the Digital “Star Wars- The Clone Wars” Im not sure I enjoy as much... wait I am sure I don’t. Its not the stories, the ones I have watched have been fairly well written, in fact I venture to say if the writing had been as good on the prequels I would have been a fair bit happier. Its the style I don’t like, the characters don’t move in a real fashion ( at least to me) they seem like Im watching Gerry Anderson’s Version of Star Wars (no offense to Mr. Anderson, I love me some Captain Scarlet). Nothing seems real about it, its hard for me to put my finger on it but there always appears to be something missing, dirt or Atmosphere or something. A example would be the Cockpit of Anakin’s Freighter... there is some seats, with some controls and a bunch of gray walls... just so Sanitary.

When all is said and done, I do end up watching it when I can, but for the most part its the stories I am enjoying and not the visuals... with everything that has been done in animation I would have expected more from the Lucas animation people.

Santa Hates Egg Nog.... He told me.

So there I was, with Santa’s bebuckled boot on my neck and his angry bearded face staring down at me... I have to say, as I began to suffocate I began to see his point.

It all started when I offered the Jolly Fat man a glass of Egg Nog, I had been told through countless advertising that it was “Santa’s Favorite drink”, next thing ya know Im on the ground with his shiny boot crushing my wind pipe as he said with a Jolly foreboding growl “Egg Nog taste like reindeer ass!”. I gave him the universal “you win you win” hand gesture, hands in the air and tears streaming down my face... so he let me up. He took a deep breath and began....

“I hate Egg Nog...I hate it like a Elf hates a chinese toy company... but does anyone ever ask Santa what he wants? How about a RC Cola... I love RC Cola... Or a Tab? and while were at it how about a Bologna sandwich instead of cookies... or some Pork rinds” He looked off whimsically into the distance like he was remembering a fond memory “ I do Love me some pork rinds...” Suddenly he turned on me like a animal..”Every Freakin year I suppose know what the Christian world wants... not only the Christians... but allot of other folks muscling in on the whole “Presents” thing thinking as long as the prop up a fur tree they’re entitled.... how many of you bother to ask what santa wants?” a frustrated tear rolled from his happy blue eye “Cookies and Milk? seriously? every year? what if I gave people buttered bread every damn year!! I’d never hear the end of it would I!”

slowly he regained his composer, he picked his bag up off the floor and began to head back to the Chimney “I hate Egg Nog” he whispered... then grumbled “Merry Christmas” under his breath and vanished... but not before a elf kicked me in the Jewels and said “Ho...Ho... Ho”.

2000 Views!!!!

thats right... over 2000 views of the old Clockwork Jalopy! I'd like to thank everyone who mae this milestone posable! A Special shout out to all our loyal viewers!!

The day of the Mecha movie has arrived... Now don’t screw it up...

When I was in 9th or 10th grade, I read a book called “Starship Troopers” ( And no, I dont think it has been made into a movie no matter what you say... LALALALALA I can’t hear you!) and have re-read that book many times, it is on my IPod to play during long road trips. In the early 80’s I purchased a game called “Battledroids” that after a lawsuit became “Battletech” and became a huge fan of its look at armored combat in the year 3025. I have hugely enjoyed Manga and Anime such as “VOTOMS” and “Appleseed” (Both version) that illustrate a future where human pilots and mechanical walking beasts become one in deadly combat. These machines are often termed “Mecha” and I believe the time is right for a Mecha based movie.

We have caught glimpses of what can be done in such movies as “Avatar”, “Ironman” and “Transformers” and in the trailer for “Real Steel” the technology is there and our friends the Japanese have shown that the stories have been there for some time. I remember a movie called “RoboJocks” or something to that effect and would like to say to hollywood.... I forgive you, just don’t do it again.

I prefer the mecha of a size like the Scoped Dog from VOTOMs or the Landmates from Appleseed. A game by Dreampod 9 called “Heavy Gear” is nearly the perfect size machine, maybe 12 to 15 feet high, Though I loved the Mechs in battletech, the larger machines were never my preference. It makes my imaginary taste buds tingle when i think of what Weta or ILM could do to make these come to life. I look at Avatar and think those suits are just Scoped Dogs missing their heads ( And really... glass canopies on ground combat vehicles???).

So Hollywood please, I’m begging ya hear, this could be a new franchise for ya, eye popping special effects, angst ridden pilots... hawt Sci-babes in tight pilot suits, that could fill the toy isles on Christmas... Please make me a Mech movie and Please... Pretty please, don’t screw it up.

The Hobbit casting controversy...

I was reading on Yahoo.com how Peter Jackson has cast Cate Blanchett to reprise her role as Galadriel and is close to casting Orlando Bloom to reprise Legolas... in the Hobbit... thats right, in the Hobbit.

I hate to appear to be a zealot Tokienite but for the love of good Peter!!! I loved the lord of the rings trilogy, and have read them multiple times, however its “the Hobbit” that holds a special place in my heart, it was the first of the middle earth books that I read and feel in love with, the style of the writing, the tales it told, I believe, appeal greatest to younger readers. I know “what Bilbo Baggins hates”, and I’m pretty sure he hates Peter Jackson.

Yes! Yes! I know, not every book translates well to the big screen, the author has liberties a director does not... but come on, if you cant make 2 decent movies out of what has already been supplied then give up. Maybe Legolas could be in the background during the scenes of the wood elf king of Mirkwood but thats it. with all the great characters that only appear in the hobbit why add stuff.

UG! maybe its to early to climb on the hate wagon but come on!

http://blog.movies.yahoo.com/blog/256-the-hobbit-is-making-room-for-some-lord-of-the-rings-characters

Its Clockwork Poetry Baby....

Potato chip fountains on a onion dip night

A forest of rainbows rendered in black and white

Crimson blue bird drinking shasta mid-flight

everything is sunny when left field is right

Gravy Train

Can you dig that? That just happened... I’ll give you cats a second to collect your thoughts, to police your souls. To the people who don’t get “It” (as defined by the man)...

ya’ll need to catch the bus back to squaresvile cause this ride is closed.

To you poetry snobs, you defenders of form... Art has no boundaries baby... it is what it is.

Imagination...

I don’t know if I always had a over abundance of it, but I have always had enough. As a child, I remember playing down at the creek for hours and hours, we fought germans, caught bandits, yes... even shot indians. I remember a clubhouse in a friends backyard becoming a B-17, a frontier fort or what ever we needed. My Imagination was always there for me.

I remember playing by myself, amongst the 100 or so dirt piles that would soon fill in a swamp behind a nearby gas station and all I had was a broom stick that magically transformed itself into what ever was needed, a musket, a spear or a machine-gun. I still can feel the crisp fall air and the smell of leaves and fresh earth as I played.

The Monkey bars behind Medill Elementary... Cold steel, built over blacktop... served as a tank and a spaceship ( and a source of many cuts and scrapes) to our young minds, minds that had the amazing ability to warp reality into anything we wanted. Many wars were fought around (and in fact in) that school.

I also remember Imagination as a friend when you had no one else to play with, the friend you addressed as “Buddy” when you carried his wounded body into a foxhole or “squire” as they brought you your lance to fight a evil knight while you were mounted on your charger (made by Schwin).

I have been transported to these times, long gone, at odd moments in my life. During a reenactment on a Autumn day, I remember finding a sunny spot shielded from the cold wind that made think of the many forts we had built. As a Den Leader, watching the kids play at camp, where a good branch can bring a smile and hours of fun defeating Ninjas.

I hope, even in old age, I can loss my self in my imagination, now it manifests itself in the images I see as I read a book, the stories I tell or the songs I listen to, but it is still there, a warm place to go in a sometimes all to cold world.

You Know your getting old when....

Everyday when looking over Yahoo.com’s headlines, i glance up at its “Trending Now” section. This section claims to show the hottest web searches. I have to say that 9 times out of 10 I havent a clue who these people are.

Is it because I am so aged that I have become one of those people who have no grasp of popular culture? I was amazed that these people get book deals... holy cow!!! I don’t even know who they are, if they had done something mind-numbingly amazing I would think at some point I would have heard about it!

Same with music... my wife tunes the radio on the alarm clock to 93.7 in the morning, when it goes off my first thought is usually “Who the hell is that!”. When I catch glimpses of music award shows im like... “Oh wait... there’s a old guy, I know him, but who are the rest of these people”. If my son didnt watch some of the Nick shows I am sure I’d be totally clueless.

It got me thinking about my grand parents and how when we went over to their house, they’d always watch “The Lawrence Welk Show”... have I become a slightly updated version of this... am I doomed to be watching VH1 replaying old 80’s videos when my grand kids come over “That There is Pat Benitar... and thems the Devo’s sonny... Oh the memories”.

I look at my Ipod, I have one or two songs from the now, but must of what I have is olde timey stuff. At some point in my life I may have crossed that line finally, I may have become that thing that all kids hate... a grown up... but I just don’t see it, I’d like to think I still fight the good fight but at the end of the day, I may just yell at the neighbors kids to stay in their own damn yard.

Gaming Girls....

Girls in Gaming? back in the day, the 80’s and 90’s you just didnt see it that much. Gaming in those days, days of playing in your parents basements, 2 litre bottles of soda and huge bags of potato chips and jalapeno cheese dip, was largely the realm of the the great unwashed masses of males.

I do remember one girl, Jennifer Grotogears, who, not only being a DR Who fan, was the first female gamer my age i knew, but besides her, no other girl played in our games. Don’t get me wrong, at the Cons and here and there a few brave pioneers of the girlish kind made their presence known. some matched their male counterparts in there class restriction against cleanliness and could spew geek lingo better then most but they were a minority.

Every now and then you have a player that would force (or be forced by ) their girlfriend to play... always a disaster, usually derailing the game and she would disappear as soon as they broke up. Then there were the girl who showed up and every gamer tried to pick them up, GM’s showered them with gifts a favors... “I’m a 2nd level moron” says the male gamer “Oh I’m 100th level demi-god” says the girl. Nothing could destroy a campaign like a single girl gamer... not by anything she did, but by all the young bucks trying to gain her affection.

I still remember standing on the top floor of the Baltimore convention center, watching the reaction as a fairly attractive gaming girl walked by below, every guy would turn and gawk, she was the shark in a sea of guppies. I used to get a kick out of the guys trying to pick them up.... Guys wearing t-shirts the heralded their favorite class, dice pouches firmly fastened to their belts and who had the grooming standard of a homeless man... tried to wow these rare creatures with tales of dungeons past and of loot they had acquired.

Things are different now, though geek guys still outnumber geek girls, the numbers have certainly changed. The last group I ran, girls actually outnumbered guys. There was once a super bad social stigma to being a gamer, at least with RPG players, I don’t know if that still applies now a days. I was once ask “are you a satan worshipper” and the news had stories of kids killing themselves when their characters died.... I think we are passed that now.

November declared “CLOCKEMBER” !!!!

A Message from the Management of the Clockwork Jalopy...

Thats right, the Clockwork Jalopy had one of its busiest months in November with a Person or in fact people visiting the site at least once a day. Corporate standards were relaxed here at the Clockwork Studio’s as the Employees were allowed a casual dress day and many events were held to celebrate throughout the corporate campus.

Tonight, in honor of the hard work and sacrifice of the staff, we took him out to “Deer head” Hot dogs for a gourmet meal. I gave myself a great motivational speech and I remember being very inspired by it... it urged me on to bigger and greater things in the months ahead.

So to all the reader or maybe even readers, we here at Clockwork Jalopy would like to thank you for your loyalty over the last 30 days and... with the holidays upon us... may you let The Clockwork Jalopy be your Cyber Yuletide log.

Merry Non-denominational winter festival to each and everyone of you.

The Clockwinder

Space Above and Beyond...

a show cursed by the fact that I loved it. I believe it was a fox offering that never found its audience about a group of Marines fight in Space. I loved the stories and the hardware and really wanted to see it catch on but alas it was not to be.

Same with “Earth 2”, yes I am that one person that actually watched “Earth 2”. It was about a group of colonist that, due to a act of sabotage, are forced to crash land on a earth like planet and their struggles to reach... some place... I forget where they were traveling to, but it may have had something to do with pre-landed supplies. I remember in one episode, Tim Curry was the bad guy.

“Space Rangers”... yes I said “Space Rangers”, I remember this being a exceeding short run series about law enforcement in the future, I believe it may have had Clint Howard in it if I remember right. I thought the ship they had was pretty darn cool.

come to think of it, I may be a curse to any show.

Tron: Legacy

Ok, I liked the first Tron movie... my close friends will tell ya I aint hard to please, but I liked it. I have been keeping close tabs on the sequel since I found out about from the Comicon footage last year... I have to say it LOOKs awesome.

Recently I have had a bad run of luck on movies I have highly anticipated, I.E. the SW prequels, Matrix II and III and The Last Air Bender to name a few. So I am hoping the hype and indeed the released imagery is as good as what we have seen so far and that the story is good enough... thats all I am asking.... Good enough.

I have a friend, I shall protect his true identity by calling him Amocay, he is the biggest Tron fan I know and has been for as long as I have known him, I believe his computer used to log on with “Greetings Program”, I hope the movies are good for his sake. If the movie is successful maybe we’ll see more Dark Future/ cyberpunk kinda films, addaptions of Sterling and Gibson’s work.

It is odd to note that of most of my friends, I am the only one that really embraces the Cyberpunk, or Dark Future Genre. Most of the gang are True Fantasy or Sci-Fi “It aint Space I ain’t Watch’n” kinda folk. In a earlier post I alluded to the mocking I sometimes get about Bladerunner. I remember back in the day thinking Max Headroom was a Awesome show but I also remember being disappointed by some of the drek that also came out “Free Jack” and “Johny Mnemonic” come to mind. I’d love to see a movie that really shows the Cyber-Hackers world and think we are at a point to show it.

Thoughts on Books....

Books, specifically Fantasy and Science Fiction novels have been a love of mine for some time. In comparison to most people, I came on them latter in my life, In high school I had read Tolkien and Heinlien but it wasnt until after High school I began to consume them with great relish. I am not the best study of my own language, as many of my posts suggest, I surpass perhaps only Cave drawings in grammatical and spelling ability. it suffices to say that my many handicaps never diminished my love of books and the journeys they took me.

I have been reading the 2nd edition of a Novel written by a friend, while reading it I was trying to figure out how to pronounce some of the names in the book, in doing so a dark and dusty door to my past opened up. Like a cloudy wipe to a cheesy flashback scene, I was remembering with some hesitation talking about Tolkien when I was a teenager, invariably every time I mention the name of a place or person I would be corrected to the point where I purposefully never mentioned names I wasnt sure how to pronounce out of fear of being branded the “Dult of Bree”, but today I began to think “wait a gawd darn minute!”.

How could I be wrong? when I read, I am not watching the authors “Movie”, I am watching my Movie filmed with his script. Yes I agree, The authors vision of his or hers story is the unblemished original however doesnt it get “re-imagined” with every different person that reads the book? Is’nt in fact the book the script that gets re-writes from our mind, a mind that turns those prose into a vision that forms on the 3d HD super high def screens of our imagination?

I guarantee that no one else's vision of starship troopers takes the same imaginary vision as mine... and it shouldnt, perhaps that is the draw of literature, why it is so popular, we read into it what we want, our subconscious fills in the the blanks and we become a collaborator in the story. Perhaps this is why a writer can print “Before him stood the indescribable horror” and 1000 different readers have a 1000 different terrors lurching forward in their minds.

I am sure this has all been covered before by men in tweed coats that smoke pipes and correct young kids on the pronunciation of Baron Harconian’s Mentates name but for obvious reasons ( I.E. my appearance on the English departments “top 10 offenders” list) it just dawned on me. I am never wrong, in how a name is spoken, in the name of the destination of a quest, The face of the hero, the style of a weapon even the look of the setting sun, are all correct and in accordance to the way it should be.

Out there, there are book nazis, who love to banter about the correct pronunciation of this or that Hero’s name in the accent tongue of whatever, then shove their or the authors version down your throat... like some holy relic of a secret ultra-right purity squad waiting to escort the heretics to the suicide chambers for repeated violations. Dont fear these people, but be safe in the knowledge that the images that formed in your head as you turned the pages, that lifted you from your bumpy seat on the bus, from a lonely room or depressing workplace to those magical lands that offered you escape... are never wrong.

Irvin Kershner... A blessing and a curse.

A few days ago Star Wars fans were saddened by the passing of Irvin Kershner, the man who, amongst other movies, directed “The Empire Strikes Back”. Of the original three films, Fans almost universally place ESB at the top of the list as “the” best of the films. I am no different i that regard, in its writing, direction and even the performances of the actors it was by far the most dramatic, indeed Irvin Kershner proved to be a blessing for this fan... But also a curse.

Why a curse you ask, because every other Star Wars movie that followed would be measured ( if only by me) by a ESB sized yard stick... and none of the movies since has ever measured up.

It started with “Return of the Jedi”, not a bad film, but when you look at it, the film lacked the craft of ESB, the actors for the most part turned in “MEH” performances ( Though I have to go on record as saying the “So be it... Jedi” scene is still one of my favorites). Ewoks?, I believed Ugnaughts at the cloud city, however I never became a singer in the “Yub-Yub” chorus if you know what i mean... they just seemed silly, in ESB nothing seemed silly.

The curse continued into the prequels... I knew Yoda was a puppet, but while ESB played on the big screen before me, he was alive as any of the Actors, The scene where he delivers his “Luminous Beings are we..” speech can still bring goose bumps. In the prequels Yoda never lived up to that for me, I didn't want Yoda the action hero, I wanted Yoda the 900 year old font of Wisdom. I was actually a little let down that he had a lightsaber and battled in AOTC. To me ESB’s puppet seemed 10 times more alive then the CGI or animated Yoda.

The Romance of all the films combined could not match that in ESB, maybe thats a tip of the hat to writing or even acting however it was Kershner that brought it to the screen “I love you” and “I know” captured the smitten princess and the cocky smuggler to a Tee, and filmed in the Orange glow and gushing steam of the Carbinite room... it was epic. Never... and I mean Never, in any of following films did I feel the sense of Romance.

Yes the lightsaber battle between Luke and Vader was slower, less flashy then those in the prequels, but those lacked the dramatic intensity of the ESB battle. Luke was facing the man who killed his father, fighting for the lives of his friends only to find out.... there on that Vane in the Cloud City... That the man he hated, the man he despised was in fact his father, I was never to feel that intensity, that audience by in to the emotion of the scene in the Prequels.

Irvin Kershner left us the best of the Star Wars films for that I will always be thankful, he also left us with the dream of what could have and what should have been in the films that followed, a target that, in my biased opinion, has never been hit. I never knew the man, he was never in my Kitchen, but I can say a heart felt “May the Force Be With You” Irvin Kershner.

The Twilight of the Arcade... a story from a veteran.

I am old, no I didnt know George Washington personally but I knew of him, as a aged person, I remember a time when people had to travel outside their homes to play great video games. Yes, you could go to a 7/11 and wait your turn at on of the 2 or 3 games they had there but if you were a leet gamer back in the day... you went to the Arcade, paid your quarters and got your name on the high score list for bragging rights, and I had the privilege to work in one.

Working in a Arcade on the surface doesnt seem like a bad gig and truth be told it wasnt, most of your work gets done before opening or after closing while you spend the remainder of your time unjamming coin slots, handing out quarters and explaining to people why they can’t throw a pinball machine a cross the room. However it also had a down side, my Arcade was in a college town and the general unreliability of the college kids we hired soon became apparent. I once spent two week working from 8:00 AM to 11:00 PM because our Employees decided to leave for the summer without notice. Surprisingly the most reliable employee we ever had was a skate board punk.

One of the things we had to do, when closing, was to start a audio tape on the PA system 15 minutes before closing. The tape stated in the Phily accented voice of our Regional Manager “We Will be closing in 15 minutes... there will be no refunds on games after closing... we will be closing in 15 minutes” followed be a bit of pink floyd and repeating the closing mantra every 5 minutes until “We Are Now Closed... There are no refunds on games after closing... Thank you good night”.

The story behind the tape has never been told... until now

You see this was the time before fancy dancy Digital gadgets and the like, My Regional Manager Mike (One of the hardest working men I ever worked for) had to sit down and turn on a cassette recorder, say his bit, turn on his Pink Floyd album ( yes... on a separate record player) and wait another 5 minutes. Well Mike did this at home, alone in his “Man Cave” and he decided some adult beverage would do him nicely for the task, the longer he waited the more he drank. The funny thing was, if you knew to listen for it... you could hear him getting drunker every 5 minutes... till at closing he sounded like he was hammered.

Their are allot of good memories from those days, how the city of Newark thought we were a front for the Jewish Mob, the fights in the pool room, but it was also also the twilight of the coin operated game, home systems were finally catching up, people stopped going out and started playing in. I remember when new games came out, you would have lines waiting to play, the coin bins would overflow, people would call and ask “do you have Gauntlet” then show up and play for 5 straight hours but in the end... there was no reason to leave your house, the graphics of the home systems were now on par with the Arcade machines, Business slowed and the doors closed forever.

Dear SyFy Channel...

Ok, I like James Bond as much as the next guy, heck! guns and Bond girls are near about as pleasant as peanut butter and jelly, Chips and Dip or Easter and Bunny’s, but are they really Science Fiction?

I know, I know, It may just be me...after all you’re now the “SyFy Channel” not the “Sci Fi” Channel and James Bond may fit perfectly into the mysterious SyFy Genre (along with Wrestling)... what ever that is. Lets assume for a second that you do still have something to do with science fiction, would it have really been that hard to put on a Sci Fi movie marathon? really? Seriously? Don’t you alone have the largest collection of crap Sci-Fi movies in the world, all filmed in Slovakia for 3.42 cents?

Did ya just stop trying? was it to hard for ya? Whats next a Katherine Heigl Retrospect? How can showing Science Fiction movies be that hard, I bought a DVD with like 100 of them for 9.99 at best buy! You could even show... Dare I say It... Fantasy movies but no, you chose to show James Bond.

In all Fairness there was “Moonraker” and Goldfinger did try to kill bond with a Laser so maybe it is me, maybe I’m some kind of Zealot... a mindless purest that just doesn't get the mysterious “IT”... but for the love of god COME ON!!! There are like a zillion Star Trek Movies, 7 Star Wars movies ( although for the life of me I keep wanting to only admitt to 3) 4 Alien movies and a in explicable number of Resident Evil films alone not to mention the amazing number of b films from the 80’s till now. Think of all the TV shows that could be shown, Don’t you have years of Farscape?? ( does’nt SYFy own Claudia Black?) and a zillion hours of Stargates in its various forms?.

It could just be me, I could just be some mindless Sci-Fi purest (Could?) but it seems to me that you have just stopped trying.

“It's people. Stormtroopers are made out of people”

I am watching ANH and combined with knowledge I have failed to block out from those movies that shall not be mentioned, I have determined that Stormtroopers are’nt clones.

First of all, that lack the Space Zealand accent, just Space American Accents. 2nd, they are distinctly less stupid, they lack the CGIness of the Clone trooper, or the strange unbendiness of the animated brethren. Stormtroopers eat and sleep cool, these guys are killah’s heart and soul, after all they are veterans of the battle of Blockade Runner and the Pivotal “ Lar’s Homestead Campaign” where they defeated the evil Jawa Lord Pootini and some how incinerated the crime family of Lars (still trying to figure out what they used on them). These are the guys that can't grasp that the "Droids they are looking for" may be behind a locked door or that they should maybe question the guy the Mos Eisley Light Saber killer was talking to. But lets face it, if you were to lock them and clonetroopers in a Thunderdome style cool battle... Stormtroopers would come walking out the hands down victor.

Happy Thanksgiving....

To all the readers of the “Clockwork Jalopy” I’d like to wish you a happy and joyous Thanksgiving.

Deckard.... replicant?

As a unrepentant geek, I am liable to like a few movies in the Sci Fi Genre, one such movie is Bladerunner. I saw it opening day and have seen it dozens of times since in its various forms. One thing has always bothered me is the argument that the hero Rick Deckard is a Replicant.

I know, I know...”Clockwinder, Ridley Scott said blah blah blah” well “Ridley Scott is high on the Crack” is all I have to say. Think about it, Does GM set out to design a car that is hands down worse then previous models? Deckard gets his butt Kicked by nearly every replicant, Zhura Practically offs him, Leon uses him to clean windshields (Then is killed by Rachel) Priss beats the living bejesus out of him and then is killed by a lucky shot and Finally Roy, the guy literally runs out of life, he spends so long kicking the snot out of him.

“But the Unicorn.... what about the Origami Unicorn” what about it? he also made a Matchstick man with a huge whosiewhatsit... that was sadly missing from a dream wasnt it? “But the pictures....he had pictures” SO DO I!!! am I a Replicant?.

I just don’t see it, I love the movie, in my opinion its the best Dark Future movie out there and also it is my opinion that Deckard is human, it makes for a better movie but then again, this is my opinion I shall allow you to think differently and I shall not think you are Hitler (This Time).

This Geeks Favored Class....Ranger.

The first ever D&D game I played in, I was a freshman in High School, I played a Fighter/ Magic User named Zimbad... I know, not the best name but I figured for a half elf it was’nt half-bad. It wasnt long after we started delving deep into dungeons at the White’s dinner table that I soon discovered my favorite class, and it has remained so through various media to this day... The Ranger.

Maybe it was a early love of the tale of Robin Hood, but I’d like to think it was my first reading of “Lord Of The Rings”. Aragorn, the Ranger of North, was one of my favorite characters, but surprisingly it was Faramir and the Rangers of Ithilien that i really ended up falling in love with, clad in their green and browns, striking from their secret hideouts and fighting the evil of Mordor while the rest of the world ignored the growing evil (from my Ranger Biased point of view). From that first reading... and a Game in a friends basement the Ranger was it for me.

With Bow and Bastard sword my Rangers battled evil minions from Greyhawk to Forgotten Realms from the Old empire to Galoran. When Computer games became the fad, every game that let me, I played a Ranger ( or Hunter in some games). My friends made (and make) fun of me, when ever we start a new game or MMORPG and we are deciding on classes to play they always say “Let me guess Kendall... A Ranger” why yes, dont mind if I do.

The image I have had in my mind, since my first introduction has only been captured in the Art of Angus Mcbride. I hated the depictions of Faramir and Rangers in Peter Jackson’s LOTR’s ( yes I do like the Movies...most of them at least). The Ranger in my mind is a simply clad fellow, longbow in hand, sword at his waist, little to no metal armor. He is Swift of foot and true of aim, virtually invisible in the wild. He would carry little, as he lives off the land, maybe a belt pouch a snapsack and a blanket roll at most. His weathered stained cloak shadowing his face as he stalks his prey. Cool on two feet is how I like to think of them.

Thats one of the things I hate about most MMORPG’s the higher up you go in level the more gaudy your Ranger looks, I look at my Avatar and say “Id never look like that” but Alias the games say you would.

Getting old

Ok, technically I know I am old.... I have the god granted gift of the ability to accept and digest the concept of chronological progression, but despite my “Advanced” years I never really think of my self as being “old”.

Last night I hurt my back wrapping up ebay auctions to ship out... Yeah I Know, WTF? I wasn’t building a house or combating Ninja...I was wrapping a book in bubble wrap for pete’s sake. I spent the entire night sleeping in 10 minute bursts here and there, then trying to get comfortable. Thank god that after taking some advil all night and morning my back is more manageable.

I may not be the Clockwinder I used to be, but the fates will excuse me if I continue for a little will to entertain the notion of youth.

A New Hope for... um... A New Hope

Ok, Its safe to say that I never fell out of love with Star Wars, but the trooper that weathered multiple Star Wars Celebrations has been a little low in the morale department since the release of the films that shall not be mentioned. The fun that I had once felt, the link to my childhood, riding my schwin 10 speed to Chestnut hill plaza ( that, BTW, showed the film for over a year) to watch the film dozens of times seemed to be gone... the spark was ever so dim.

Recently my youngest son has been into Star Wars, always wanting to watch one of the movies and thank the lord, he usually choses ANH. I guess in the interest of full disclosure I should mention that he does watch the prequels and did once say that “Luke and Jar-Jar” were his favorite characters ( I am a father... i must learn to forgive) but the film he watches most is definitely ANH.

I have been falling in love with that film again, I love the Dirt the grime of a well used galaxy. I love the action, the music and the drama. I totally agree, ESB is by far the best written and dramatic, but I believe the best and most fun of all the films is ANH by far. I would venture to say that for the most part (with the exception of the space battle at the end) that the added effects only detract from the film. During the road block scene ( which I love) at one point the screen is blocked by some roaming CGI beast... for no apparent reason and the added CGI stormtroopers look terrible in almost all scenes. Regardless to these elements the fun is still there, the artistry of that time periods SFX can still be admired.

The scene when Luke, after the argument with Uncle Owen, walks outside and looks up at the Twin Sunset as John Williams score wells up around us is masterful. The use of Music and quick cuts during the Battle to blow up the Death Star still can make you hold your breath. The Millennium Falcon... that a reason to love the movie right there, what a ship, so believable, with its blasted exterior and well used interior... Because they built it, the sets and the exteriors and it shows.

So at the end of the day, I have to say I have been enjoying ANH more and more, though I am usually interrogated through the whole movie by Owen with “Why’s and How Comes, I have to say it is as good a movie now as it was when I first fell in love with it all those years ago.

Checkers and Chinese Checkers

Its coming up on the Holidays and I was just remembering sitting over my Grandparents, my Granny and PopPop were the first people I ever new that had a fireplace and I used to sit in front of it and watch the logs pop and hiss all night. We also played Checkers....

Was I the last generation to sit around a checker board and play checkers?? Will the triumphant sound of “King Me” now be replaced by electric beeps and the inhuman click of buttons? I also remember playing Chinese Checkers, Granny had a antique stool that the top came off of to reveal the playing field and there were little drawers that contained the Marbles. I was never a huge fan of Chinese Checkers, but we did play it.

I guess in a way, the Wii’s and Xboxes have become the Checkerboards of the 21st century. I suppose the mundane red and black board can’t hold a candle to electronic battlefields of today.

Riffing on Star Trek TOS

For a while now, some friends and I get together and watch episodes of the Original series of “Star Trek” and Riff the heck out of them. I have almost passed out I have been laughing so hard. Like when McCoy scans kirk the sound of the scanner is “AwesomeAwesomeAwesomeAwesome” or the Golden Midgets from Journey to Babel. Tonight we watched 4 episodes and one of the things we noticed was Kirks need to share the impending doom of the ship with every man woman and being onboard. The thought of all the Panicking janitors, botanists and Geologists sealing themselves in the Recreation room drowning their sorrows of impending doom with replicated Sundays while a guy plays “Closer my god to thee” on the Volcan lute, just tickled us to no end. The other thing that cracks us up are the random changes to crew in the Navigator and Helm positions, in squire of Gathos, Sulo (“Oh My”) was replaced by a ensign who had to be 60 years old.

Space Coffee, we noticed tonight that in every episode the crew seemed to consume a enormous amount of Coffee. And Stimulants... McCoy was a pusher extreme in the Space ameba episode, in one scene people weren't even getting through the door of sickbay, he just had people there injecting them at the door.

So next time your watching the TOS, and Kirks eyes are lit by the “Kirk Drama light” and he doesn't immediately answer someone.... simply say “Excuse me... I couldn't hear you over the sound of my own Awesome” and let the Riffing commence.

“The Curse of Trouis” a book everyone should read

I generally don’t plug things on my blog (DRINK COKE)but this is the exception, there is a truly enjoyable novel out that called “The Curse of Troius” by new author (and personal friend of mine) Alan Edwards. Fantasy Zombie fiction has never been handled with such sublime grace, such a masterful weave of pros as with this book ( Bite into a Slim Jim). Everyone should own a copy so they can slip seamlessly from the world of the mondane into the rich vibrant world that Edwards ( who is built FORD TOUGH) has crafted, a world that breathes and becomes so known to the reader that they can hear its heart beat.

Do yourself a favor.... get on over to Amazon and buy yourself a copy and be sure to get the 2nd edition with the cover art by none other then Chris Stewart ( a personal friend of mine). ( APPLE... All other computers pale in comparison).

Oh and as you savor this journey into the old fallen empire, rest assured that you will soon be delving deep into its mysteries again ( BOSCO... The Chocolatey Drink) as Edwards is now working on a second book to wisk us away, like a literary angel, to his land of Fantasy (NIKE... JUST READ IT).

Hip new thing... and you heard it here first!

I decided to spend the day pronouncing "Soup", Sue-FF, as in "Hey chowder head, bring me a bowl of your finest Sue-ff". I figure if it catches on, I'll be able to hang with the popular kids.

The future... Its a gas.

Kevin and I... NO APATHY GAS WILL EFFECT US!!!

Post Traumatic Firefly Syndrome

Tonight, while the kids were watching their shows, I decided to watch a Firefly episode. “Ariel”. I’m sure everyone has seen it, but the climatic show down between Jane and Mal at the Airlock is intense... and the fact that its eluded back to in several future episodes makes all that more important.... but as I watched it, I realized that it made me sad, I’m sure every other fan of the show has had these moments, the moment when it dawns on you that there will never be another episode, sad that a show that was so well written and executed gets dumped but countless worse shows still clog the airwaves.

I’m not alone in this I am sure, but I can’t help wishing things were different.

My 9 year old Joke writers first video

Kevin decided to try his hand at Comedy... I am Abbot to his Costello.

My 3 year old plugging State Farm.

Bloodbinder’s Clockwork Monkeys

Thats right... sinister evil clockwork monkeys, their little brass paws scampering across the marble floors of the British Museum, the metallic clicks echo throughout its vaulted halls.

Creations of the nefarious Baron Bloodbinder who gleaned what he could from a few pages of the Tinkranomicon that he recovered from the lost city of Ramathu in the vast wastes of the Sahara.

30 of these Simian soldiers were said to be constructed in early 1882, rumor states that each required the death of one of his valued henchmen. Amazingly dexterous and sinisterly cruel, these creatures have carried out the Barons bidding all over europe. Though they have been vanquished many times, only one has been destroyed and that was by Bull McCrandles Pneumatic Bolt Blaster during the great Huxley train robbery in 87.

Each stands around 2 1/2 feet tall, constructed almost entirely of brass. Their huge Jaws have been known to bite through lighter armors, their retractable claws are as sharp as scalpels and can be retracted into their Paws. Each Monkey is a indivdual work of Evil Tinkromancy, no 2 parts are interchangeable, each monkey seems to have a set and individual personality, but all are loyal to the Baron.

Dr. Fulton Smyth-Cruthiers has stated that he believes that heat could be used to combat the creatures. He notes that the flame would have to be intensely hot to melt their brass workings but any flame seems to cause them to recoil in fear.

Before their attempt to steal the Rosetta Stone from the British Museum, The last reported sighting of the Sinister Simians was along the the border of the Grand Duchy of Luxemburg where 15 of the Clockwork Chimps abducted Princess Katarina Von Scholler.

Tonight's "Walking Dead"

**** Spoiler ****

So here is the setup, your handcuffed to a roof in zombie infested Atlanta. Your handcuffs are attached to a 1/2 bar that is being used to hold some pipes together on the roof. You have managed to get a hacksaw....do you

A. Saw through the 1/2 bar, if need be in two places to remove a section of the bar thus freeing your self.

Or

B. Saw your Frickin Hand off,

My boy chose B....WTF?