A Dredd-full post...

Ok... as I said I was a Comic fan, during that golden time I attended A collectables show at the Christiana mall ( This was in the early 80’s) while my mother shopped I mindlessly went through the booths of antiques, collectables and knick-knacks. One fellow was selling old newspapers and magazines, I went through his bargain bin and found a armful of what appeared to be a sunday morning comics section... they were “2000 AD” a english publication that ran some serialized US comics and there own... one of those was a comic called “Judge Dredd”

I loved it, in fact at of all the “2000 AD” comics it is the only one I really remember, especially Judge Dredds battle against Judge Death. Citadel... that was what Games Workshop was called in the olde days published a game set in the world of Judge Dredd and I think I was the only person in the US to buy it.

Judge Dredd was the law in every sense of the word, the Judges had the power to not only apprehend criminals but to charge and pass sentence on the spot. They did this in the massive Megacity 1 ( which covered most of the US NE) with its rebelling robots and rioting citizens.

Then came the year 1995... and they made a movie staring Sylvester Stalone... ok, it wasn't that good, to level set, it also starred Rob Schneider... the true herald of a piece of S movie. I just subjected myself to watching this movie... twice, truth is I think they did alright with some of the design elements, it was truly the story and acting that sunk that movie ( and Diane Lane could arrest me anyday dressed like that).

One of the things that really bugged me about the movie, was Dredd’s face, in the comic, his face had been disfigured in a fight against a “Perp”... I mean horribly disfigured... One time he was fighting some carjackers and they squirted something on his helmet and he had to take it off ( a censored bar appeared over Dredds face in the next panel) all the Criminals freaked he was so ugly... but they dropped that. Dredd in the comic was not a hulking mass of muscle... but he was in the movie.

The movie I believe is another case of hollywood not taking a comic “Seriously”, this was the standard issue in 90’s comics movies... in fact I would say that the only movies to buck the trend are some of the recent Dark Knight movies, “Sin City”, “The Watchmen” and “The 300 hundred”.

I was posting Dredd movie quotes on FB and a friend... whom we’ll call Matt Uaneray... mentioned they maybe doing a new Dredd movie with Karl Urban as Dredd... I looked it up and sure enough they are... I honestly wish them luck and have high hopes... if not.. I shall judge them.

The Cheesecake Factory.... TEMPLE OF EVIL!!!!

The MLK holiday has traditionally been a “Date” day for my wife and I. We go out to lunch do some shopping... just a relaxing kind of day. This year we decided to make a trip to The Cheesecake Factory at the Christiana mall, both of us had never been so we looked forward to our lunch.

For lunch itself, we started out with the corn fritters... they were kind of “Meh” neither outstanding nor sucking. Kathy ordered the Quesadilla which she considered kind of middle of the road. I on the other hand, had ordered the Blackened Chicken Sandwich off the cuff when the pasta I was going to order didnt sound quite so good when the waitress described it, I was not disappointed, it was a tasty sandwich, one I would get again.

For desert I had my first piece of Cheesecake. There was some tense moments when it seemed like every desert they had was festooned ( DING!!! first time I used that word in a sentence) with nuts and I prepared to skip Desert. Kathy ordered her Cheese cake and the waitress began to panic and name off deserts that may or may not have had nuts. I have never been a cheesecake fan... in fact one could say I hate cheesecake but I ordered some sort of Banana Cheesecake on a “What the Hey!” kind of whim, figuring if I didn't eat it, we could take it home for Kathy. I have to say I enjoyed it, I thought the Bannanas could have been riper but it was good... and thats saying allot from me.

The service was good, even though the restaurant was crowded our waiters made every effort to make sure we were taken care of. We werent delayed in any way when we were ready to pay, the restaurant was clean.... And Seemingly pleasant.... Seemingly.

My eyes started to drift around, taking in the decor of the place, at first I was ”awe thats nice” but slowly the icy hand of terror started to grip my soul. First their were these pillars... some sort of sacrificial pillars to a ancient egyptian god of evil confectionaries... I swear, look at those things, you can see the evil gaze of egyptian faces glaring out at you. I figure they probably don’t sacrifice there everyday... but I’m not going to be near that place on a equinox.

Then there were the mini eyes of Sauron Everywhere I am not making this up... look at the pictures... Its a shame because if there is one group of people that would probably love them some cheesecake its hobbits but I don’t see one stepping within 300 feet of this place and its all seeing eyes of evil.

So by all means... eat at the Cheesecake Factory... but be very very careful.

Super Heroes & Comics.... A Geeks Shakespeare

Harry Potter and other teen lit are devoured by young teens now a days like a Shark feeding frenzy. Book stores have midnight releases that people line up for days in advance . In my day I think young teens had the Tired Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew series ( That I believe the last book was written in the early 60’s) and nothing more. But we did manage to find a outlet for our literary void in the story’s of Marvel and D.C. Comics.

I hated DC comics ( with the exception of their War titles)... I never liked their heroes... my first introduction to marvel was Sgt Fury, My Friend up the street gave me two hard bound small books that were compilations of the Fantastic Four, my Super Hero eyes were at last opened.

Captain America (Spoiler Alert: AKA Steve Rogers) was my early favorite and still holds a warm place in my heart. As I got older I turned to the Uncanny Xmen, though not the originals ( I.E. The Beast etc). I am still amazed at some of the story arcs they had, The graphic novel “God Saves, Man Kills” and the Phoenix Saga were but a few. I also was a follower of the “New Mutants” books from issue 1, allot of angst filled stories. I read some less popular titles, Vietnam, G.I. Joe and the Micronauts and I actually thought G.I. Joe had some good stories as well.

I remember the Secret Wars, The Beyonder and all the Franklin Richards jokes all the Comic Geeks used to toss around with nerdy abandon. The thrill of my first Comic convention up in the Radision in Wilmington... then a larger one in Philadelphia.

Comics were my geeky crack for a while... always stopping by Captain Blue hens (when it was in the house on main street) to see if they had the latest version of this or that. I still remember my favorite Comic female... That would be Rogue from the Xmen... and my favorite sound effect... When Thunderchief hit Wolverine square in the jaw “SPANG!”.

Sadly I also remember the day I stopped being a diehard comic fan, when I stopped going to the Comic Store every week. I picked up my latest issue of the Xmen... and there emblazoned on the cover, was the title “Phoenix lives”...”WTF” I thought, hadn’t I just lived through the original Phoenix saga... were they that desperate for stories that they were digging up Jean Gray that fast? I havnt picked up a Mutant book since.

I began to move from the DC/ Marvel world, Direct Comics ( Man...The Rocketeer is still one of my fav’s) and the new world of Manga. In High school I started to read Fantasy but I’ll still picked up a book now and then. I don’t think the Kids these days eat them up like we did, I could be wrong. I wonder if they still have that excitement...the anticipation... getting that book and cracking it open for the first time and getting to one of those “No Flaking way!!!” moments that twenty years latter you still talk about (“Watchmen” or the “Dark Night Returns”for example). For some of my generation the Graphic novel and comic were the finest literary works of the age.

People... Sometimes... BAM! ZOOM!! TO THE MOON!

So... I was out this Morning to mail some packages, UPS went fine, then I headed to the Post office. Two people were working, one guy was doing a passport which apparently requires 2 or 3 hours of his time... as soon as I walk in woman walks up to the non-doing the passport Postal worker with... you guest it... A Passport. So nobody is moving for like 15 minutes ( I was second person in line) till a manager comes out and decides that the line, now out the door, may be a issue.

Well after I leave the post office I head home, the main roads werent bad at all and Delaware can be kinda pretty in the snow. I pull into our development and just as I approach the park I see a Black Pickup truck... on purpose... turn and drive onto the grass... where he then commences to do doughnuts, tossing up grass and dirt as he does it, at our park. As he drives back to the road he is just laughing his but off, the guy is in his 30’s not some kid... Man I was Peeved.

Then... with only yards to go to my house, I stop at a stop sign ( we old people do that ya know) and here comes Mr Tokyo Drift, he doesn't have a stop sign so I wait... he begins to turn my direction ( no turn signal BTW... in the snow they are optional) and he is heading straight for me... barely missing my truck. As he goes by he is looking at me with a “F U man Im cool” look as his girl friend looks terrified.... that isnt what gets me... what makes me think that there is no hope for us as a race, as his car nearly crashes into mine, on snow covered roads, he was driving with one hand and texting with the other.

UG!!!!

Ebidiot... A Ebay Idiot

I have recently taken to selling some things on Ebay, now I am not without some experience on ebay... but usually as a buyer but I have come across a new species of man recently. This being, though they could pass as a normal human in most instances, has in fact a built in handicap.... they are the Ebidiot.

These are the people who send you message after message asking you the same thing... that is usually clearly spelled out in the description. “can I get a refund on this item if I am not pleased ?” then “But I can return it for a refund right?” then “ Can I just mail it back to you and you’ll give me my money back?” till finally you have to send him a message saying that you think he’d be happier bidding on another item... one not yours.

Then there are the people with the weird expectations. On a Item you have marked Used, then mention that it is used in the description, how it was used and that it is in used condition send you questions and comments like “ Is it “As New”” and my favorite “ Can you make a video of it in operation and send it to me”. One guy expected me to purchase a chronograph and measure the FPS on a item and was quite put out when I informed him I wouldn’t

There was one guy, who, even though it was clearly stated how much I would charge for shipping, Decided that once he had won, time for negotiation had opened, he sent me a complex set of instructions on how to ship it to him and that he would only pay for exact shipping and not handling. So I took the item to the Post office to have it weighed and estimated I had the pleasure of informing him that I underestimated the shipping by 10 cents.

and I am sorry... What part of “Will only ship within the United States” is the hardest to understand. On multiple occasions...with above statement bolded in the description... I have noticed people from other far away lands bidding.

With all these hassles I still think Ebay is a great way to get rid of unwanted stuff. Some Items have floored me on how much they go for. The Ebidiot may be a Minority, they are just the people you have to deal with as a seller.... So Seller be ware... be very ware.

Nazi’s.... “it is better to look good, then to be good”

Recent history has rarely given such evil enemies as the Nazi’s of WWII. The started the whole kit and kaboodle ( alright, I just wanted to use that in a sentence) and then there was the Holocaust. These guys didnt kill people on a whim...no... they made a science of it. They were goose step’n bastards... but few baddies ever looked so good being bastards.

I once read that they redesigned the Weimar uniform as to atract new recruits, and boy did they succeed. There look was always German, the jack boots, the Stahlhelm, that coat with the litzen on the collar. Hell the germans (in fact the SS) were the first people to use a patented Camouflage pattern. Even as the war went on and the uniforms were changed for economy ( YEAH!!! ALLIED AIRFORCE) the bastards still managed to look cool.

Even there weapons were distictly German, sure , other countries used the mauser but few used a SMG that looked like the MP40 and none had a MG as effective and stylish as the MG34 and it economized yet no less stylish offspring the MG42. One of the supreme examples of weaponry cool has to be the MP44/STG44... no other weapon in the world looked like it. The Luger, The Walther p38, both were pistols that said “gott in himmel”.

As re-enactors, my friends and I used to get angry, there we stood in our drab boring US uniforms with our effective but “Meh” stylish weapons and there were the evil nazi’s Stylin with their cool stuff... It just wasnt fair. Germans didnt have a field jacket that made them look like a wayward golfer nor did they have the sublime idiocy of the Legging or the M1928 Haversack ( my head still spins trying to understand why we used that thing) and though practical I guess, field gray was a better more pleasant to the eye then the tans and browns of the early US uniform. (For the record, I do love the Pattern 43 uniform that was green)

Even their tanks,Vechicles and planes were distinctly German. The angular plates of the half tracks and early recon cars and Tanks to the dreaded Tiger and ME109, all had a distinct “Made by Nazis” look.

Our stuff was probably better built, more reliable, no body can argue that our Jeep was the finest small military vehicle ever produced but come on... style wise, was it as cool as the Kubelwagon or the Kittenkrad? not to mention the BMW w/sidecar.

Even when it came to personal gear there was a since of German style, the built in slant of the SMG pouches, the Pistol holsters and even the Gas mask can all helped to make the Nazi a styling bastard. The German Paratrooper was so styling that the British tried to copy there uniforms off of theirs and the USMC produced a Paratrooper smock almost identical.

It just seems wrong somehow... that these bastards got all the cool stuff and were such complete and total Douche bags.

Asking Girls out... in the age of Dinosaurs

I often think that females do not truly appreciate the torture that they put young men through. The sleepless nights, the nervous stomach aches that all lead to that first phone call, I still remember that pain to this day. Women think, we saunter over to the phone, pick it up and call them all as cool as cucumbers, well I got some news, at least for me, It was never that simple.

By the time I had talked to a girl on the phone I had probably tried calling her about 2 dozen times. I would hang up part way through dialing or, if I was feeling brave, as the first ring began. With each number I dialed, my heart would beat faster, breath would be harder to take, I swear I could see the end of the world rapidly approaching. When I think of how difficult it was just to ask a girl to a movie, its a wonder I ever got married.

I sure times have changed, with Cell phones and texting and the like and I am sure that a majority of it was my deep seated insecurities, but the shear trauma I suffered merely asking a girl out has probably scarred me for life... PTSD for the social inept if you will.

Then there was what to do on a first date...OMG!!! all I can do is laugh now, I remember once shaking a girls hand good night...no lie.. shook her hand. What was I suppose to do?? I was a hopeless case... how some guys just Kissed a girl goodnight on the first date was beyond me.

Girls need to realize how hard it is to ask one of THEIR kind out. The pacing, the mental inventories of the top 10 reasons why she would never go out with you, the fear that if she rejected you, you would somehow become a outcast... all this and a infinity of equally dark and depressing thoughts would flood my mind as I tries to summon up the courage to dial that phone.

There was of course a sort of teenage love recon you could do, by sounding out the girls friend you could attempt to gauge her interest in you. How awkward must that have been “Hey X..I was wondering, If I asked Y out, do you think she will say yes?”. I guess If you phrase it as a theoretical question rejection didnt count.

I always had these issues, even when I first asked my wife out but thank god I over came them. I thank the lord everyday that I met my wife. To anyone who has these issues I can only say... I understand, but you’ll never know unless you ask her.

(BTW: Pretty in Pink was my wife and mine's first date :o)

Holy Cow!!!

I have missed posting for a couple days, no excuses.... My Bad. I am trying to maintain regular updates to prevent me from getting to rusty in regards to the electronic arts. Maybe I should through together some spread sheets, tablulate and compare some columns just for giggles.

My Apologies clockwatchers, I'll try to post something at least sort of meaningful soon.

Loving History....

If you know me, slightly know me or maybe bumped into me once while evacuating Saigon, then you know I love History. I have since I was a boy, I used to sit in the history section of the library at our elementary school paging through every book. I remember when Time-life came out with there US history ( which still sits on my book shelf) and WWII series (“It started out as a twisted dream”) and I have not stopped gathering books since.

I love reading about so many periods that it sometimes makes my head spin, however I care nothing for Greek or eastern european history ( until the world wars). I am a odd bird... a example would be, I don’t care anything for aboriginal African (or American for that matter) history except where it intertwines with Western European/ American history. Ancient Egypt..MEH! Ancient Egypt meets Romans? read read read.

I like history to be at the ground floor, a individual perspective. This is hard to find for earlier periods but a example would be... “Army group North” puts me to sleep but “Forgotten Soldier” I can’t put down. I love to imagine past history through the eyes of a person not staring down at a map with broad red and blue arrows on it. “Quartered Safe out here” is one of my Favorite books because it not only takes you into WWII Burma, but attempts to replicate the accents and character of each member of the section.

I think this is why I like Living History so much, it enables me to get some idea of what it was like. I will never know what it was truly like in the civil war, but I do know what it is like to see 10s of thousands of men on the field, I learned that at first “Right Shoulder shift” fells as awkward as heck... but when you learn to do it right, its the most comfortable way to carry a long heavy musket. I know what its like to circle in a landing craft for a hour while guys get sea sick, then land on a beach, I have followed a tank through knee deep snow and crouched nervously in no-mans land while the enemies wire is being cut. Though it is the combat portion I can not ever understand, I can appreciate what it was like to be “thus arrayed for war”... what it is like to be burdened by the gear and uniforms.

I love talking to a Living Historian who loves their period and has truly researched it and puts their heart into it. On the other hand, I can no longer watch a many movies anymore because of wardrobe or historical inaccuracies. Non history loving friends poke fun at me because I can get hung up in the details... but come on, would it have hurt just to have done a little research.

I hate seeing a movie that feels it has to dramatize a event that the truth, if told correctly is already so much more dramatic. I hate it when Hollywood has to rewrite history for the sake of diversity. A example would be the dropping of the Atomic Bomb... we need to see the world through the eyes of 1945 to truly understand how that moment came to pass.

There is a joy to go to a event (Wargaming or Living History) and sit around with a bunch of people and talk and learn about battles and history... Heck I have enjoyed listening to a guy who does colonial wigs and people who have researched clothing of a period to a mind boggling extent.

Reading history, my imagination uses my experiences and other readings to build my “mind image”. I see the characters more vividly as I imagine the Victorian characters of a novel or a battle scarred soldier in the mountains of Italy in 1944. Though no description maybe given for a guard... he stands out in detail to me from the books I have read.

My love of history never dies, certain periods fade from favor ( only to resurface latter) and other rise in interest but there is always a want to view the world past through the eyes of those who have lived it. I hope one day one of my children shares my love but I will not force them... they should come into it as I did... through a true love of the subject.

Micronauts....

For some reason, today I was thinking about another toy that I enjoyed in my Childhood. They were called the “Micronauts”, small metallic colored figures from a alternate dimension.

The first I ever got, and by far my Favorite was “Space Glider” He had a helmet and a spring loaded “flight pack” that the wings sprang up when you pressed a little button. Then there was Acroyear, The evil alien who was always battling Space Glider. I only ever remember having those two of the normal guys but I had “Force Commander” and “Baron Karza” (who was the Black overlord of the bad guys) who were larger figures that had magnetically connected parts that you could swap around.

As much as I loved the Toys, I have to say I was a nut for the Marvel Comic tie in. I remember buying the first issue at the 7-11 off the revolving Comic rack and would go there every visit looking for the next issue. The story was, The Micronauts came from another Dimension and crossed over into ours (fleeing Baron Karza) the problem was, they were only action figure size here in our world. I ate it up, I loved that book.

I am amazed at times, when I watch my (or other) children play, and a simple block becomes so much more, a car or a space ship, A knight or a astronaut. It always has me thinking of when I was a kid. I wonder sometimes if Children are losing that “Imaginary spark”, with toys like the Micronauts, when they first came out, there was no manual of “how to play with” or “press f1 to” things... besides maybe a 2 sentence blurb, it was your imagination that built their world and fought their battles. I’d like to think that Imagination isnt just the “property” of the young and besides the obvious (films, art and books) Imagination is the fuel of progress.... to loss that spark would be awful.

SyFy .... From hells heart I stab at Thee!!!

I found out Yesterday that Syfy has canceled Stargate Universe... one of the only shows left worth watching on the channel.

A few months back they Canceled Caprica, now this... this makes me despise the channel more then a human should hate anything. WHY?? It did so well in its Friday time slot, then you had to change the day and you wonder why ratings drop... guess what, it isn't the show.

RAT SOUP!!! if they put on more “Ghost Hunters” or Wrestling I’m going to hurl.

SyFy used to be one of my favorite channels, back before the dark times.... before the empire. Now it is a depository for every bad movie made for 3.07 cents in Eastern Europe or Canada. I only rarely watch the channel now... Saddly SGU was the one show I did watch.

I admit SGU wasnt “Firefly”, but hells bells! it was alright, better then most stuff they had on there, now with Warehouse 13, Sanctuary and what ever else, they have successfully taken the “Space” out of the Science Fiction Genre. Come on people... I live on earth, do I really need all my Sci-Fi shows based there... and in modern day!!

I hate you SyFy channel !

2011 Clockwork Adventure #1

The Ruins of Gobo Blobbitter... Last Goblin King of Vort

News Years day found the Famed Clockwork adventurers exploring the banks of the White Clay Creek for the famed ruins of the last Goblin King of Vort ( Latter Newark Delaware)

After many a muddy mile, we soon came to the legendary “Whipping Wall” where we were beset by several WereSquirrels. A brief by hectic fight ensued and after the expenditure of a good deal of Deathray voltage, we found our selves standing before the legendary Ruin.

Here’s a shot looking down the “Goblin gate”, several traps were still in operation and it took thirty minutes to clear the way... Horace Twindlethumb, our elite illumination engineer, took a dart to the face and spent the remainder of the quest seeing gnome like shadows playing banjo’s... Goblin poisons are powerful things.

This is the base of the “Tower of Gobo Blobbitter”, of course it had a trap door burried under some debris and of course we descended down into the corridors below. Adventure was had, treasure was recovered and tales told that night by the fire of a nearby tavern.

While the World Partied ...

Clockwork Jalopy eased past 3000 views shortly before midnight last night, before 2010 had been shot and the head and buried in a shallow grave next to 2009 other just like it, The counter click past 3k.

Well now its 2011, lets see if we can keep it up.

Happy New Year..... From the Clockwinder

10 years ago, on New Years eve, I was with a bunch of very nervous people in a Major banks year 2000 command center, hoping that the 2 and a half years of work that we had put in would pay off. My Wife was at our friends house, at a party and they took a picture of her and some friends talking on the phone, they were talking to me, wishing me a happy New Year.... and yes, all our work did pay off.

Over the past 10 years allot has changed, I watched as our nation was attack, and as my Brother was sent to war, twice. I have become the father of two fine young men and Sadly, all my Grand Parents have past away. Some friends have past, Justin Hoover, my friends wife and others... I am thankful to have known them.

I have been blessed with friends both old and new, I love the fact that I now can keep in touch with friends from High School, spy on their lives, via social media. I still game with the same gang I gamed with since around 1985 and still count a huge slew of re-enactors as great friends ( and miss them very much since I havent been able to attend many events). There are also my friends from around home, in scouting and through gaming... I can say that the good lord has truly blessed me with some great and interesting family and friends.

In the past decade there has been good and bad, sadness and happiness, the strange “Ying Yang” thing we call life, but isnt that how its supposed to be? I sometimes think I get more bad then good.... but If I really look at it, I am truly blessed to share this ride with so many great people and a Wife and Children that remind me everyday how lucky I am.

To all of you, Happy New Year, its just a scale of time, a measure... but for some reason we assign great store to the magical day of “changing calenders” I guess because it is human nature to hope... and I hope you all have a Fantastic new decade and that we flawed decedents from apes over come our self-built obstacles to make the future a little... not asking much, just a little... Brighter.

Ye ever Notice?.....

Why do all adventures and quest seem to be to some great old tower of some evil sorcerer, invincible overlord or terrible Dragons lair? Didnt any good people ever horde great treasure? Why not “Lair of the humorous Unicorn” or “ Mr. Fluffy’s tower of 1000 delights”?

I mean, for years I have played Pen and paper and computer scenario’s where our characters have plunged into truly horrible places, with hideous traps, fiendish creatures and of course... the diabolical boss at the end. How did the evil guys get the lock on Lairs and dungeons? One would think that some kindly old king would build himself some really cool crypt to fill with his accumulated items that he wished to take with him to the next world so he could continue his Glorious deeds... but no... make a saving throw... sorry your dead!

I would love to be challenged by such creatures as a giant grape Jelly or a Rice pudding... or better yet... you are beset by a dozen Gnomes who begin to fix all your armor and repair your shoes. Where the hell are all the good guy lairs??? You enter a well constructed hallway with fire extinguishers (well marked) placed every 20 feet ( next to the trash cans with the smiling pixie sign that says “thanks for keeping your dungeon clean”) suddenly 10 laughing weresquirels demand that you listen to their rendition of “gray skies are going to clear up”...or you must eat more cookies then Wenzlar the Cookie King of level 5.

I’m just venting... to many a night my make believe adventures have come to gruesome end in some mold covered, skull encrusted hallway as fountains of tainted chaos blood gurgled in the background... Im just wondering if there is a flip side to the coin.

Who would you want to share a escape pod with?...

So I was trying to think of some sort of mind numbing and thought provoking EOY list that would have the free world agog at my towering intellect... then I decided to simply comprise a list of my top 10 favorite Sci Fi Ladies. The question being “Who would you want to share a escape pod with?”

Dax... from “Deepspace 9” played by both Terry Farrell and Nicole De Boer. I was unable to decide which one I liked the most so I came up with a convoluted reason to include them both under one entry. I even love the Trill markings.

7 of 9 From “Voyager” played by Jeri Ryan. So after x number of seasons in, when they realized that the geeks were drifting away from the show, the powers that be introduced The Character of 7 of 9... honestly if the show was just her eating a sandwich for a hour ratings would have soared... and after Janeway and Torres for a couple of years, we were thankful.

Selene from the “Underworld” Movies played by Kate Beckensale. I don’t really know if the Underworld movies are in the strictest sense “Sci Fi” but come on... Kate with those contacts, tight leather outfit and blazing guns... OMG!

Commander Kiva from “SGU” played by Rhona Mitra. Ok...I admit, I had to find a Character to include Rhona Mitra on the list... but truly it is for her earlier work as a Lara Croft model that I truly recognized her... Talent. She has had many other roles in the Genre and I can only hope for more.

Shazza from “Pitch Black” played by Claudia Black. I’ll admitt it, Im just a big Claudia Black fan from the first season of Farscape on. She is one of those actresses that lost entirely to much weight at one point and looked kinda bad but she look great in Pitch Black... until she got killed... Oh, Spoiler alert.

Persephone from the really bad “Matrix” sequels Monica Belluci. I hated the 2nd and 3rd Matrix movies... except for the parts with Monica Belluci... in my opinion if you took those two steaming piles of crap, and cut out her scenes, spliced them together... things would have been allot better

Gem from “Tron: Legacy” Played by Beau Garrett. Ok, now I have seen pictures of this actress and have thought “Meh” but put her in that white hair and contacts, then that costume and its “Greetings Program”.

Athena from the Original “Battlestar Galactica” played by Maren Jenson. OMG as a youngster I thought she was “It”. The episode where the women had to become pilots... holy cow! how did that not win some sort of presidential award... Is there no justice in this world.

Inara From “Firefly” played by Morena Baccarin. Inara left little smoking hawt foot prints where ever she went... She also had some pretty cool scenes in the show, a favorite is when her and Saffron meet.

Barbarella from “Barbarella” played by Jane Fonda. All right, you may not agree with Jane’s politics... but she was something as Barbarella. I believe I first saw this movie on HBO and thinking “Gawd this sucks... But she’s something to look at”. The opening credits... thats all Im going to say.

Allot of things are missing from the list, Princess Leia for one, Ripley (never did anything for me), Taarna form Heavy Metal or Cylon number 8 ( Sorry Boomer) but lets face it, I only had 10 slots to fill so we had to leave some fine Characters behind.

G.I. Joe.... Hero.

Watching my kids play with their toys, I was catapulted back to my childhood. Yes, we eventually had the first run of kenner Star Wars toys to fill warm spots in our Christmas Mirth... but for the majority of my childhood I remember one man rising to every challenge, defeating every foe and Kicking Ken’s butt at the Neighbors Barbie House... G.I. Joe.

Our Joes weren't these little barely posable things they have today... Ours was a 12 inch, Scarred man of action who came with accessories to help him combat every kind of villain your imagination could bring fourth. Though the first had plastic hair, they soon sported crew cuts of life like hair and beards that barely concealed that scar on his cheek... a scar, that even years latter Joe refused to talk about.

I remember our Joe had a Jeep, not just a ordinary Jeep, but one mounting a recoilless rocket launcher and pulling a trailer. Joe wasn’t a dumb grunt mind you.... he had been a astronaut in the Mercury program, complete with capsule and silver space uniform. He was a skilled frogman ( Orange wet suit, complete with speargun and man eating shark) and a Deep Sea diver ( with a weighted belt and shoes). He was a Jack of all trades, he was a spy with a disguise and a briefcase with a Gun you could assemble and could pilot a jet ( Though we had a helicopter). He was 100% hero.

I remember the foot lockers that you could buy to house all the accessories and the carded uniform and equipment add on’s. The last thing I remember getting for Joe was a Dune Buggy and command trailer that he used to hunt for mummies ( He was now sporting his “Kung Fu” grip).

I spent endless hours playing with Joe, I remember the neighbor (who had two daughters) would baby sit us, and Joe would be forced to take some R&R at the Barbie Dream house... He wasnt too friendly to Ken ( probably a draft dodger anyway) and he let him know it... .45 from his shoulder holster beat Ken’s ascot every time.

Many years latter, I still smile when I see a old Joe at a garage sale or on TV, I remember all the adventures we had and how rainy days were that much more bearable with my be-scarred comrade with his M1 (with broken barrel) covering my 6 or walking point as we combated the evils of our imaginary world.

Joe... We remember.

True Grit.... Some thoughts.

****Spoiler Alert... Maybe*****

Last Wednesday my friends and I went to see the remake of “True Grit” at Newark Shopping Center, Hands down our favorite place to see movies, it is truly the last of the old style “big houses” left in the area. Now allot of people know that I am a huge John Wayne fan, so I was very worried about a remake of the film for which he won his Oscar. To me him and Kim Darby were fantastic in that movie... Glen Campbell, not so much, So it was with some trepidation that I viewed the new film by the Coen Brothers.

It actually took me two or three days to admit to myself what I actually thought of the movie... That I thought it was a better movie then the original. In every way I believe it surpassed the original, Music, Acting, cinematography and costuming everything. I didn't want it to be, I wanted to say “Yeah I liked it... but the Duke was better” but in fact he wasnt.

Jeff Bridges did a fantastic job, mumbling through his dialog and his first scene where Mattie Ross tries to confront him in a outhouse is great. Hailee Steinfeld as Mattie Ross was perfect she delivered her difficult dialog believably and with the right amount of Spunk. Matt Damon did a good job as the dandy Texas ranger and Josh Brolin turned in a fantsic performance as the Dim-whitted and dangerous Tom Chaney.

To me... One of John Waynes iconic scenes is as Roster Cogborn, riding towards Ned Pepper’s gang, firing is pistol and spinning his rifle after he had delivered his “Then fill your hands you Son of a Bitch!” line... well that scene is in this movie and I will say I think it is done better, more believably, in the new film then the old.... Sorry Duke.

One of the things that was strange, so much of the dialog seemed almost identical, yes there are some changes, but after watching the new film then going home and watching the old... so many lines seem almost word for word ( undoubtedly lifted directly from the Novel for which it is based) the same... but delivered with a more believable realism in the new movie then the old.

I didnt want to like this movie as much as I did. I wanted to walk around with my nose in the air and say “The Original was better” I tried for a couple of days to believe this, but at last reality managed break through my delusional fog. The new movie is in all ways better then the Original... I hope to god no one ever remakes the “Searchers”.

So long Christmas...

Well, Christmas 2010 has now come and gone, The smile on the boys faces and the non stop playing with new toys have made it a enjoyable holiday. The boys even got time to play with their cousins from NY who were down for a couple days.

We sort of got snow... they called for snownarok but we just got a average little snow fall (but with lots of wind). I still love snow, I remember as a kid being out at night in heavy snow and just listening to it fall, no other sound but the snow hitting branches and the ground. Snow was a gift from god as a child, snow forts, snow ball fights ( learning to use trash can lids as shields) and sledding could only be done if Snowdin was appeased.

Christmas vacation as a teen also meant gaming. You got all those days off and that meant you could slug your way through a module or two. You were sequestered in a friends basement like Cardinals electing a new pope. You had a stack of books, a pile of dice and no other commitments except defeating the Invincible Overlord. Good lord could we drink some soda during those sessions.

As Santa returns to the north pole and the year comes to a end I am truely thankful for my friends and family. I hope the New year finds me employed once again ( I know... a little greedy here) and that our family remains healthy.

Strange twist of Acting fate...

I am opinionated... and thats my opinion, but i have strong feelings in regards to so called “Talent” in hollywood that have, from time to time... flipped.

Case in point... Leonardo Decaprio, I hated this guy for the longest time. When he would make a movie I would think “Hey isn’t River Pheonix dead?” ( which isnt really fair because I liked River) I despised everything he did. Then one night for some strange reason (Read: Jennifer Connelly) I decided to watch a movie called “Blood Diamond” and ever since then I have loved everything I have seen with him in it.

Sort of the opposite for ol’ Ben Affleck, I was fond of some of his earlier work but have hated what he has done recently.

Surprisingly, Harrison Ford is another case, I loved his early stuff, and not just Han Solo and Indy but his Jack Ryan and some of his serious films as well. However lately I fear his presence in any film like a Pan-Pacific Islander fears the Volcano god... his visage on the screen means certain death to a film.

Cameron Diaz... oh Miss Diaz, I loved her in “Something about Mary” but now there is something about her I find... disturbing, like she has a Joker face or something. That may be shallow, but she cant act plain and simple.

With this being said, what is out today may be in tomorrow. I may decided that Drake and Josh really don’t deserve to be placed in a cattle car bound for “points east” or that Nicholas Cage is actually one of Hollywoods hidden talents. But until that day.... they aren’t invited to dinner.

Fantasy Movies....

In a earlier post on Sci Fi or Fantasy, many of my friends stated that they all believe a truly good Fantasy film has not been made. I know allot of LOTR fans are going “Bu...What” but to some of the literary faithful, Jackson’s liberties and imagery were a bit to much. So what Fantasy movies do I like... do I slip into the DVD players?

I have to admit, “Conan” is still a favorite just the original... lets not get crazy... but I do like it and come on... two words, Human and stew... nothing says evil like a big simmering pot of Human Stew and hell, I even like Arnold's portrayal.

“Archer: Fugitive from the empire” in all fairness I only saw this once when it first played on TV, But I remember loving it. The hero was given a Heart-bow (or hart bow) that was magical and received new arrows when a black feather fell to earth and BAMF! turned into arrows. the bad guys were pretty cool and looked like evil turtles. Its a bit risky to put this on a list with only one viewing but here it is.

“Death Stalker II”, I know many of you are starting to call my wife and tell her to put something in my mouth so I don’t swallow my tongue... but hear me out. This movie had a ok script, it was actually kinda funny, intentionally. The budget was about 5 dollars but it was one of the best Babes and Blades movies I can remember.

“Hawk The Slayer”, I am always amazed by the actors this movie has in the small roles. Its a good story, with a not to tall giant and a not to short Dwarf, and annoying elf, a one armed crossbowman and of course...Hawk the Slayer and his mind blade. This wasnt a great film, but in the desert it was a drinkable glass of water.

“Willow”, this movie is sort of strange, I remember loving it in the theatre... but not so much on VHS or on cable. this one really isnt on my list but I’d thought I’d mention it.

“Sword and the Sorcerer” Lee Horsley’s tour de force, with his three bladed sword and inexplicable healing powers. The man is nailed to a X and pulls the nails out with the power of Lee Horsley and the next minute is swinging his sword. Not a good movie, but fun to watch.

“Lady Hawk” some people hate this movie, I loved it. I thought Matthew Broderick was great and enjoyed the whole Rutger Hauer and Michelle Pfeifer story. I usually risk getting kicked out of geek clubs by liking this movie... but I do.

“Flesh and Blood” OK, maybe not a Fantasy film in the strictest sense, but a pretty good Hack and Slash movie, with plague thrown in for good measure. The movie starts with the siege of a city and the “Heroes” are in fact a group of Looting mercenaries.

The LOTR movies, I do watch these, I love some of he scenery, I think the Shire looked fantastic... I am just driven to distraction by some aspects and I think the third movie is probably the weakest. But I do watch them and actually enjoy some of the movies.

There are plenty of Fantasy films that have been made, and that I have seen, but much like what i imagine a college party being like, I have regretted watching them the next morning. Strangely some have had studio backing, like the D&D movie and some... lets just say “Sy Fy Original”. So what movies would you add to the list?

And Hollywood... still allot of room to work here... just saying.

Clockwork Christmas

Back when my parents were together... and my brother and I were chitlins, Christmas was a unique experience in our house.

First... we had two trees, a real one downstairs, where the Claus deposited our presents, and a tree upstairs in by the front window for the world to see. I think that it is this tree that has resulted in a great deal of my mental issues for you see, in the true spirit of the 70’s, it was Silver.... thats right a Silver aluminum tree. It had Silver Garlands and was decorated in one color of balls and one color only... red, and one color of lights... White.

This tree still haunts my dreams, the thought of every kid seeing that tree, that horrific silver tree sent shivers up my spine. At night, when mom would turn off the lights, except those on the tree, it glowed with a otherworldly radiance...like a yuletide Guardian of Forever, I believe this tree was responsible for the down fall of the true Christmas spirit.

Another oddity in our house was the fact that my mother was a Emergency Room nurse and worked on Christmas eve. So when we young boys, clad in our bunny-footed Pajamas, vaulted out of bed and made for the stairs, we were halted by our father with the words “we have to wait until your mother gets home”. Pacing back and forth, rolling on the floor in agony we waited... and waited... and waited, knowing that the other kids were already knee deep in mirth and merriment, till finally Mom came home and we exploded down stairs.

Our gifts were never wrapped, Santa knew that would have been wasted effort, they were just laid out in Zones of control, Mine, My brother... and the dogs, like post war Germany. Though we were not wealthy, we had fantastic Christmas’s. I remember G.I Joe’s, ACtion Jackson’s, Major Matt Masons, Bikes and all matter of childhood delights.

I have been told one year we got a Air gun that shot ping pong balls ( lit looked like the guns in Santa Claus Conquers the martians) and we “accidentally” blew apart my moms bee-hive hair-dew with it.

Of course, Our lists were all comprised from the sacred pages of the Sears wishbook. I Did have a friend who would get the JC Pennies catalog but it was like the pope reading the Koran, there was just something wrong about it. Pages and pages of every imaginable slice of plastic happiness.

Like most people, Christmas morning was allot like a prison visit, you could only visit your beloved toys for a little while and then you had to leave. We visited family all day, and the whole time I am counting the minutes till we got back home. It was as we celebrated with our family, I was given a glimpse of Christmas future... that is when we got the Clothes, socks, gloves and other gifts, while practical and needed, none the less it required every ounce of youthful control to get out a seemingly heart felt “thank you”.

I always loved Christmas as a kid, I fell out of love for a while, but with birth of my own children, some of that old magic has been re-awakened... and all with out a Silver Tree.

Starblazers...

Thats right... Starblazers, the cartoon that I would run home everyday to watch, has been made into a Live action movie.

I still remember the Narrator proclaiming “Hurry Star Force only X number of days left” as they struggled to save earth from the Gamelons and then the Comet Empire. I can still sing the theme song. It was on Channel 29 and came out with a few other americanized Japanese Anime like “G-force”.

I used to think that the ships were the coolest, and the battles were some of the most brutal in cartoon land at the time. The laser would go through the enemy ship... there would be a pause then the ship would explode. The old battleship Yamato, the other earth ships and fighters and the all powerful wave motion gun ( that for some reason was fired with a cross hair and a pistol grip) all were fuel for the fires of imagination.

I attended a convention at Trenton state college... a game convention, probably in 1982 or 83, and there, a fan club introduced us to the uncut version of the “first season” of Starblazers, the original Japanese version in which everyone basically dies at the end and explained to us that the cartoon had been so wildly popular that fans demanded it be brought back.

Well now the Japanese have done a live action movie that looks very good, I can’t wait until I get a chance to see it.