My 9 year old Joke writers first video

Kevin decided to try his hand at Comedy... I am Abbot to his Costello.

My 3 year old plugging State Farm.

Bloodbinder’s Clockwork Monkeys

Thats right... sinister evil clockwork monkeys, their little brass paws scampering across the marble floors of the British Museum, the metallic clicks echo throughout its vaulted halls.

Creations of the nefarious Baron Bloodbinder who gleaned what he could from a few pages of the Tinkranomicon that he recovered from the lost city of Ramathu in the vast wastes of the Sahara.

30 of these Simian soldiers were said to be constructed in early 1882, rumor states that each required the death of one of his valued henchmen. Amazingly dexterous and sinisterly cruel, these creatures have carried out the Barons bidding all over europe. Though they have been vanquished many times, only one has been destroyed and that was by Bull McCrandles Pneumatic Bolt Blaster during the great Huxley train robbery in 87.

Each stands around 2 1/2 feet tall, constructed almost entirely of brass. Their huge Jaws have been known to bite through lighter armors, their retractable claws are as sharp as scalpels and can be retracted into their Paws. Each Monkey is a indivdual work of Evil Tinkromancy, no 2 parts are interchangeable, each monkey seems to have a set and individual personality, but all are loyal to the Baron.

Dr. Fulton Smyth-Cruthiers has stated that he believes that heat could be used to combat the creatures. He notes that the flame would have to be intensely hot to melt their brass workings but any flame seems to cause them to recoil in fear.

Before their attempt to steal the Rosetta Stone from the British Museum, The last reported sighting of the Sinister Simians was along the the border of the Grand Duchy of Luxemburg where 15 of the Clockwork Chimps abducted Princess Katarina Von Scholler.

Tonight's "Walking Dead"

**** Spoiler ****

So here is the setup, your handcuffed to a roof in zombie infested Atlanta. Your handcuffs are attached to a 1/2 bar that is being used to hold some pipes together on the roof. You have managed to get a hacksaw....do you

A. Saw through the 1/2 bar, if need be in two places to remove a section of the bar thus freeing your self.

Or

B. Saw your Frickin Hand off,

My boy chose B....WTF?

Story... PT.1

He stood, eyes transfixed as if in a trance, staring at the row of books. This was the 2nd trip he had made to the “Lords on the Border” book store this week and still... the newest edition to the “Troyus Curse Trilogy” had not yet made it to the shelves. The Author, Elan Awards, had captivated millions with his Fantasy series and he was one.

Grayson considered himself above mainstream fantasy, a bit of a elitest when it came to his reading, but he had made a exception for the “TC” Trilogy. Detractors would say “Its nothing but Gnome Necromancy trash”, just like the countless other Gnome necromancy garbage that filled the fantasy sections of the large bookstores, but Grayson knew it to be so much more.

The Novels were a eloquent statement on the condition of man, the hoards of Flowerfoot the Merciless, consuming all in their path, represented the human species, devouring the earth and its precious resources. While the books depiction of Tuckmucker and his friends represented hope for a new world. To him, the sophisticated reader that he was, it was sublime storytelling at its best.

“ I spoke with my supervisor...” came the voice from behind him, dripping with so much sarcastic annoyance that Grayson was sure he would need a shower to wash off the smell of it. He turned to see the employee he had asked to question management as to the arrival of the latest balm to his boredom, glaring at him with a smile on her lips and Hate filling her eyes. “and he says that the shelf date has been pushed back to next Tuesday, the printer... or something... is having issues making enough copies”. He exhaled disappointment and tried not to breath in the gaseous cloud of contempt that the sales clerk seemed to be expelling as if it was some bizarre natural ability of her race.

“Thank you” he muttered as he turned and began to make his way to the elevator. He thought he had heard the words “Dork” float out of the girls mouth as she walked away but wasn’t sure because of the music that was playing over the speakers and the dull hum of the holiday crowd as they tried to pretend sophistication by purchasing books by the armful for friends and relatives, having never even so much as read the back jacket but merrily excepting the Sales clerks “Its on the Best Sellers list” as a glowing recommendation. He had only contempt for these people.

The silver doors of the Elevator slid open as he approached as a old man in a wheelchair rolled slowly out. “Great, I don’t have to wait for it” he thought as he hurried to climb aboard before the doors closed, nearly running into the Old man. The store was only two stories but still... “why walk when you can ride?”. he turned to push the button for the first floor, it lit under the pressure of his finger and the doors began to close, as they slid shut he caught the eyes of the old man looking at him with a “You Lazy SOB” kind of glare... Grayson looked away quickly.

Silence at last...sort of... as the speaker overhead played a sweet melodic instrumental version of a 80’s punk hit that he could not recall the name of but did recall the chorus had the word “Sedation” in it somewhere, popular music was never his “thing”. He remembered that his mother had wanted him to pick up Soy milk on the way home and this memory immediately set off, in rapid succession, a string of thoughts that brought him to his “ One day I am going to move out of my parents house” line of thinking.

Suddenly, and very briefly, the power seemed to flicker a bit, the overhead florescent bulb seemed to glow whiter and brighter... but again, only ever so briefly. He noticed it, but paid it no mind as the Elevator finished its descent.

Grayson stepped towards the door in anticipation of its opening, his mind once more drifted back to the sheer and utter disappointment of his trip as a nagging voice in the back of his head, his own truthful self- narrator, uttered “par for the course”. Then the doors slowly slid open.

Immediately, he felt as if his feet had been nailed to the floor and that his lungs had been commanded to stop their involuntary activity. a cold sickly feeling crept over him as his eyes darted around the store before him, or more exactly, the empty store before him.

30 seconds before, when the doors to his Transport box had closed, the store had been a hive of activity, crowded with holiday shoppers. Children ran about placing books on the wrong shelves as their parents ignored them while they sucked down the latest coffee treat from the “Cafe”, Teens with headphones stood listening to unheard tunes in the music section and the curt, insincere “Next Customer Please” came from the employee’s behind the registers... now only music played.

Slowly, using every ounce of will he could muster, he stepped from the elevator as his eyes caught a sales flyer drifting down from the 2nd floor balcony. A Strange, almost electric oder filled the air. He took a few steps out into the store, no one moved, through the huge glass windows no cars drove, he began to feel the first pangs of panic... that is until he felt “it”.

It was a growing burning sensation, not on his skin but as if from the core of his being, his very bones. It grew in intensity, like embers being blown into a full blown fire. He glanced down at his hands and cried out... it looked as if he was boiling under the cover of his skin. The Pain increased it was as if he were liquifying and burning at the same time then suddenly ... all went black.

You Know you have to many German Automatics When...

The Luger is a DWM 1915, The Walther P38 is one of the pistols that the russians assembled from old parts a few years back. The Broom Handle I had reworked a few years back and the Walther PPK is a Walther/Interarms.

Webleys... gots ta luv um

These are my Webleys, one is a MkI and the other is actually a Mk VI made by enfield. They are classic pistols that have a distinct look and pack a .45 cal punch.

"Caprica" Canceled

So SCFY has decided to cancel “Caprica”... Of course they have. Look, I understand that it wasnt 1st season BSG or even SGU but it was at least 3 times as better then the vast array of “made for ScFy” movies they have on. I mean I can turn on and watch Ghost Hunters or UFO Hunters or even my Genre favorite...Wrestling, nearly any day. For god’s Sake!! they have so much that could be done or has been done that they could show but NOOooooo they end up canceling one of the only decent Science Fiction shows they have on.

Its just like the History Channel, one is hard pressed to ever catch programming dealing with History amongst the vast array of Ice Road Trucky, Pawn Starry and American Pickery goodness. And as for the Military Channel....yeah I see you hiding over there in the corner.... Military history happens to pre-date 1914, you may want to look into that.

Fool'n around

Decided to make a new profile image more keeping with the theme of my blogity blog.

This is the one I didnt use.

Can't Write

I am finding it hard to write like I used to. I haven't really written anything in a year. Its not from lack of Ideas, my head is swirling with them, its more or less from a inability to concentrate long enough on a single Idea. I want to write something... but just cant concentrate on it long enough. Maybe I will dump some stuff here and try to get things rolling again.

Hail unread blog readers

I am back, hopefully i will post here a little more often

UG!!!!

Not that anyone reads this blog anymore, but I thought Id drop a word in and say I'm still alive. You can catch my regular updates on Facebook if your intrested.... does anyone read this?

The 13th Floor…

I work in a High rise, not a spectacularly large building, only 18 floors, but certainly bigger then my house. Every morning, I walk from the 4th garage level up to 16, the other day something hit me for the first time, I couldn’t believe I had not noticed it before…Our building has no 13th floor.

I know most buildings do this, but it struck me as odd, don’t they know that the so called 14th floor is defacto the 13th? I mean…I can call a bullet a lemon slice but its still a bullet. I am wondering if our sister building has a 13th floor…and if not…is there a dimension where all these 13th floors exist?

You should be allowed to take legal action against buildings without 13th floors…sort of a truth in advertising…if you ask anyone who works here “how many floors is your building?” they’s all say “18” and be plane old wrong…wrong,wrong and wrong.

Oh well…back to work in this “18” story building.

Politics…

Ok…first, I am a Delawarean, lived here all my life, If I do not vote for Joe Biden, they will know and they will find me. “ DUDE!!!” you shout over the sounds of the porn pop-ups on your monitor “Vote for ________ as President…F! them people!”. You do not understand, I am still feeling the impacts of the whole Pete Dupont Dibacle….his people still follow me around…Never again.

Second…I think we should put all our money together a perfect the time machine and get someone who has a clue!!!! TR or maybe George Marshall…maybe Ike would agree to save us…Id settle for Martin Vanburen.

I do like Obama, I think he is smart, I like the way he talks issue (mainly) but he doesn’t have the experience. I love John Mccain, but if he passes…god forbid…Palin becomes president??? NFW!!

Wait…before you jump down my throat, its not anything she has done that garners my harsh views…She hasn’t the experience for the job.

I have no idea what Im doing in November…other then voting for Biden.

Impending doom one step closer…apparently

That’s right, the super huge atom smasher in Switzerland is up and running…smashing Atoms. Some think that when it is up to its full smashy goodness, it may cause blackholes to form. I say “ Great! One more thing to add to the list of worries!... Thanks science”.

Does it bug anyone else that we as humans have come up a zillion ways to kill our selves yet we still cant prevent a Pepsi ™ from going flat? We can kill a human from around the world with a remote controlled drone yet my cable still goes out? Why don’t I have a hover car like on the Jetson’s that runs off of love??? We can build a super Atom smasher with its 17 miles of tunnels yet Warhammer online’s ™ patching server still goes down…come on humans! PRIORTIES!

Personally, I hope it opens some dimensions…I would love to see the past as it really was and all that thoughtful stuff…but I am also hoping for a dimension where all women dig me and Im regarded as “uber cool”….it could happen…maybe.

Oh well, I guess I will toil away here at tedium central with all the rest of the nameless cog’s…that is until the armies of Haberax the destroyer come poring through the dimensional gate…then Im all freedom fighter baby!!! WOLVERINES!!!!!!

Dr Horrible

I saw this on Itunes last week as I was downloading some stuff but didn’t pay it any mind, then my friend sent me a link…I ended up watching all three episodes about three times Yesterday. FUNNY and Surprisingly smart for a Internet production ( Smart in a tight, well edited sense). It is a creation of the Whedon Clan, Joss and his kin and stars Nathan Fallon as Captain Hammer, Felicia Day and of course Neil Patrick Harris as the title character, Dr. Hammer.
Basic premise is that Dr Horrible is trying to gain admittance to the legendary Evil League of Evil ( Headed by the stallion of sin “Bad Horse”) all the while trying to get the courage to ask the Felicia Day Character out on a date. It’s a Musical…don’t let that stop you from watching this…I can not tell you how much I enjoyed this.
Day maybe be known to some of you from her work on Youtubes “The Guild” and she holds her own playing against Harris and Fallon. Nathan Fallon ( Firefly….WHY! FOX!!!! WHY!!!!) Plays the muscle headed Captain Hammer…a Jock “hero”, he realy pulls off the “jerkiness” of the Character and is a Joy to watch.
But it is Neil Patrick Harris that I was most surprised by. I had seen him do comedy before, but even in the scenes where he is just playing against his Computer ( Blogging into the Camera) he has terrific timing. He can also sing…who’d of thunk-it and surprisingly he gives his super-villain character depth even in this 42 minute, low budget web-only production. I know no one reads my blog…but if someday, aliens uncover a copy of these stupid postings…please pick over the ruined earth until you discover a copy of “Dr Horrible”…no it won’t change your life…but it will make you laugh. Oh…and don’t be “So Johnny Snow” about things

Avatar "The Last Air Bender"

Ok…I am not the Target audience for this show, I am ___ years old ( ___ = a number meaning really old) but my son and I have watched the whole series. This past weekend was the Finally of season 3 and I have got to say that I consider this series and the 2 hour movie to be some of the finest TV out there. If you have written this off as a kids show, but are a fan of Fantasy or if you draw breath like a normal human, do your self a favor and watch this series, Its fun, and damn good!

Wow...the Economy Sucks

Ok….Im paying like, a million dollars to gas my ridgeline, and Yes mr greensleeves, If I had known the gas prices would go through the roof I would have bought a vehicle with better Gas Mileage so shut your bean sprout chew’n pie hole!! Owen has to have tubes put in his ears and to top that, the same day they are going to do surgery on his eyes, Dr John, or eye doctor friend says its one of the most common surgeries on kids so I’m trying not to worry. Any way…..sorry blog old friend, I have neglected you.

Unrelated

Blog…What Blog???

Ok…So life is a little hectic, Kevin has T-ball twice a week now, scouts has just ended. Now Owen and Kevin both have to wear patches ( and still wear his glasses). He also has to have tubes put in his ears to help with drainage and prevent infections. I did manage to get to WWI and it was interesting, a 15 foot section of Trench burnt down…er..up, it was a hell of a fire and it was weird that the allies were the ones mostly fighting it. Jim Marcum cemented his place in history by ripping a frame out of a German bunker while forcing the door and I was the Only Buff at morning formation.