A Clockwinder variation of a old classic

“Do you hear what I hear” with the Clockwinder Chorus opus 2011

C sharp Lydian

Said the night wind to the little lamb

Do you see what I see

Chorus: Excuse me were you talking to me

Way up in the sky little lamb

Do you see what I see

Chorus: That depends…what is that you are seeing

A star, a star

Dancing in the night

With a tail as big as a kite

Chorus: Then no

With a tail as big as a kite

Said the little lamb to the shepard boy

Do you hear what I hear

Chorus: Again…that depends on what your hearing

Ringing through the sky shepard boy

Do you hear what I hear

Chorus: What the heck you hearing

A song, a song

High above the tree

With a voice as big as the sea

Chorus: Dude…I don’t even know what that means

With a voice as big as the sea

Said the shepard boy to the mighty king

Do you know what I know

Chorus: Im thinking no.

In your palace wall mighty king

Do you know what I know

Chorus: do you even hear what Im saying

A child, a child

Shivers in the cold

Let us bring him silver and gold

Chorus: How about a blanket or something

Let us bring him silver and gold

Said the king to the people everywhere

Listen to what I say

Chorus: Do I have a choice

Pray for peace people everywhere

Listen to what I say

Chorus: Dude…Seriously

The child, the child

Sleeping in the night

He will bring us goodness and light

Chorus: Well that would be something wouldn’t it

He will bring us goodness and light

The Art of being the Clockwinder

People think it is simple… but it is not I can tell you. It takes precision and split second timing as well as luck so good…that to a normal person it would appear bad.

Case in point.

I am leaving the office around 1:oo AM and decide to visit the “Facility” before leaving. I do what I always do, put my bag down of the counter and pull up to the Urinal to vent some ballast.

Now we put in some Clockwinderfu.

There…in Mid-stream (You guys explain it to the lady folk) I hear my bag fall over.. “To the floor?” you ask (in a surprising munchkin like voice) no no no…right into the sink. “Will how bad can that be?” you snicker…well let me explain, are sinks are motion controlled, so when my bag falls into the sink, the faucet comes on…and keeps on going and going the whole time Im trying to decide if I should attempt the imposable and abort in mid-stream and save my bag or damn the torpedoes.

I decided on the latter the whole time wondering why, when I stick my hands in the sink, it shuts off every 3 seconds but when my bag falls in it…Niagara Falls!!

In the end…besides a soaked bag exterior, there was no real damage…. It is however the perfect example of what it means to be the Clockwinder.

The Lament of Kurk (Writing words and Saying nothing)

I was born on Tripso in the Season of the Dalacorn, A Sandalar of the grand Filgus and heir to the Kagi ArchTempico. My earliest memory is of my Helkor attempting ritual suputation whist the fires of Lodrik lapped at her feet. Our Heptet, Jeff, Once rode our Gamerci 30 stunards to retrieve the quteling cup for Yelki Vi and the Margis of Redit.

It was the year of the great Vasanor when I came of age and received the Jazawak of Penternia… did the fears of Zamien grip my Olak that day I can tell you. My Edam Halen, watch as tears wet her Xiolopop, pride of the ancient Reptarts growing in her breast.

Now as my own Sandalar’s beckon to the Gty-yor… and the Kagi Archtempico lay before my wukajog cruiser… I Pray Cetif and Karmat bless my Uiliog.

The Mandalorian…. The art of the hunt.

It was more a Night club then a bar and by the looks of it, one that catered to a upscale clientele. He knew all of this before he had set one of his muddy boots inside the joint… he had been casing it for 3 days. The place was a alive with the well to do of the planet in the late evening when the bands played and the spice was passed around but at midday it was empty… all except the table in the back.

He had walked in from the stinging toxic rain clad in a rough woven poncho and the type of wide brim hat the local miners wore to shield themselves from the harsh precipitation… for all the world he looked just like any other sod on the planet.

He had let the Droid at the door take his hat and clean his boots, a act that seemed to make the little thing squeal with delight… but choose to keep his poncho on “Only getting one drink” he grumbled at it as he slowly walked to the bar.

The only sounds were the laughter from the back table, the bartender stocking the bar and his heavy boots deliberate tread towards it. The closer he got to the bar, the quieter the table in the back became. The 5 creatures that sat at it, drawn from their conversation by the mere fall of his wet heavy footgear.

Though there were 5 beings around it, to a trained observer there was only one that mattered, the lord of the demise, a Female who’s every word the mindless toadies hung to. They were obviously from some of the planets wealthier families ( their clothes and jewelry could probably refit his ship) but they were quite obviously hangers on to the real talent at the table.

When he got to the bar, the Bothian bar tender whispered “Pal, I think you’re in the wrong place” but he could hear him take in a breath of surprise when he saw the scars on his face. “Just came for a Deneb sun burst I heard you make the best” he growled in a voice purposely modulated to a level that assured the table in the back could hear it, when they began to snicker he knew they had. “A Deneb Sunburst?” the Bar Tender questioned “Ya Sure? I mean…” “I hear you make the best” he snapped, interrupting the man, and it was true, he did, Ladies came from all over the planet to sip it… but it was generally considered a girls drink. “Sure thing.” The Keep gulped as he busied himself in its preparation.

The laughter picked up in intensity… The Female keeping them in stiches with a endless line of whispered insults questioning his masculinity. Finally as if she could stand the absurdity no more she rose and began to walk over towards him.

To say she walked seemed to be like calling a object of art a knick-knack because, even dressed as she was, in tight as skin Pilot pants, A coat of the finest Grak hide, boots that seemed to be molded for her shapely leg and one of the finest hand tooled gunbelts he had ever seen, and despite the fact that her head was shaved except for the very top which she wore long enough that it fell in front of her eyes, her walk was pure sex. Her hips slid from side to side with a hypnotic cadence as she tossed her long bangs back with practice sensuality .

She reached the bar as the keep handed him his drink…She should have noticed he took it with his left hand… and his face was illuminated by it swirling colors. She glided down the bar towards him, laughing with her friends as he held the drink up and stared into it. Till now she had only seen the right side of his face but with slow deliberation he turned and faced her, letting the drink light up the Scared ruin of the left side. She grimaced and said loudly “Brother you are one ugly specimen aren’t you?” and so it began.

She turned to see her friends fall on the floor laughing. In her vanity, turning away for but a second to relish to accolades of her retinue, she missed the fact that with his right hand, hidden by his poncho he had just drawn one of his heavy blaster pistols from its batter crossdraw holster. When she turned back around…his expression hadn’t changed a bit. “My looks didn’t seem to bother your mother last night.” He growled loud enough for the table to hear…It was as if a switch had been thrown as the club fell silent.

He could feel her tense up, he could smell the furnace of her anger begin to rise as her head snapped back towards him. Her once lovely blue eyes now emotionless orbs of ice “What…Did you say” she whispered, her voice trembling as if dealing with some unhealed wound of the past. “Sorry…” he said not allowing the somewhat bored look on his face change in the slightest. He purposefully left a long pause after the word to let her think he was about to start begging for his life, then he droped the hammer, “I didn’t realize you were slow as well as rude, I said your mother wasn’t bothered by my looks last night”.

In a room where some of the best and loudest bands in the galaxy had played, it was suddenly the silence that was deafening. The woman blinked at him, not so much in disbelief as it was to maintain her composer, like the closing of a last ditch safe guard before a reactor melting down as she stared blankly at the mans face and his ridicules glowing drink. “My mother” she said without emotion “Is Dead”.

He knew now it would come, he knew he had better not underestimate her and he knew he had better keep the deck stacked. He turned the drink slowly in his hand and as he saw her eyes focus on it he said “ She should be after the bunk bounce I gave her”.

“Lords is she fast” he thought as she half stepped back and went for her Weestar Special in its hand tooled holster, almost clearing it before the first deafening blast of his own pistol burst through his poncho and caught her square in the gut driving her back and to her knee’s. “What a tough girl” he admired the fact that she had managed to stay on her knee’s and that her blaster was still in her hand but now, with its barrel still smoking his own was out from under his poncho and at full extension pointing at her chest. He fired

Her slender body vaulted backwards and slid for several meters before it came to a halt… the expensive weapon skittering away from her. At the same time…he had dropped the drink and pulled his other blaster out and, seemingly subconsciously, leveled it at the bar keep. “I wouldn’t if I was you…” the Barkeep, who had been going for a stunner, decided against it and slowly raised his hands. “….this is a private affair”.

Now with both blasters drawn he walked slowly to where the woman lay, surprised that life seemed unwilling to leave her body. He looked down into her eyes as she looked up in the shocky glare of the dieing “why” she seemed to ask….but then didn’t they all. “ The boy who you killed…” he began as he triggered a holo recorder on his wrist “ The one who owned that Weestar before you, His father is a business associate of a very important man” he focused the recorder at her “ A man that much values his business. Now this father was so distracted by the mere thought of you walking around free after killing his son that it was effecting his business of making the important man lots and lots of credits” he took a deep breath, normally he tried to bring them in alive, but Bogs orders were specific on this. He leveled the pistol in his right hand at her face and pulled the trigger.

With a eerie slowness he let his head turn towards the breathless leeches at the table “NOW!” he said so suddenly that one of their bladders emptied. He began to record them on his holo recorder. “If on the way out of this place I get into a fight with the local law… or a week from now someone comes looking for me…I’m going to begin to wonder who sent them…and Im going to use a process of elimination… Am I clear?” he began to back out…as everyone nodded.

As he reached the door he holstered his Blasters like a man putting away a tool, he took his hat from the droid and pulled it on…”its best you forget you even saw me.” He turned and disappeared into the rain.

Being a successful Corporate tool…. A insiders guide.

17 years I worked in Credit Card banking, like Fossey study her gorillas, I soon became a expert on Corporate Tools. For over a year I have stored that knowledge away not knowing if I should share or what its divulgence would do to the fragile ecosphere, but now gentle reader….the curtain rises….the lights come up… read and learn.

The First art of the tool is what I like to call “The Exact-lamation mark”. Its use isn’t as much a science as much as a Art… Lets put it in context shall we…

Scene: Meeting room, a person who that is paid more then you is talking ( for the Exact-lamation’s use is totally lost on lower cog’s)

Paid more person : And that’s why we should staple paper flowers to squirrels

You: …Exactly!

Its usually best that you begin nodding as the person gets part way through what he is saying (doesn’t matter if you listen or not…just nod) and let out some “Umm hmmm”s of agreement. A true artist will repeat back a key phrase such as “Flowers to Squirrels…exactly” to give it a subtle nuance, as if saying “We are sharing the same brain my brother….promote me” . Finger pointing is also a variation, with the most energetic coming at the same time the speaker puts the period on the end of his statement (BOOM) “Exactly”.

A Tools guide to meetings….If 51% or higher of the attendees are not of the same pay grade or higher then you…do not attend, even if it is your own staff meeting or a meeting you have scheduled.

Which brings us to PDA/Blackberry/Iphone usage…If you are in a meeting and someone dares to draw a electronic device, you must retaliate in kind…and… you must make it seem as if the world itself hinges on your texting a answer. Let out breaths of disgust, click your tongue and shake your head…you must never be seen to have less to do on your device then another tool… it is a sign of weakness.

Also…Devices are the perfect shield for you, they can get you out of a conversation with a lesser paid cog “Hold on I have to answer this..” and they can take any ambiguity about the sincerity of a compliment and dash it to the ground…. Nothing says “you aren’t worth my time” to a cog like a thank you muttered over the screen of a PDA as your fingers text the latest joke to a colleague.

Conference calls… a tool will fill their outlook calendar ( BTW always except invitations in outlook…even if you have no intention on attending, they help to clog up your calendar and make you seem at least 3 times as important) with conference calls, to be on two at the same time is a High art of a tool. Don’t worry, you aren’t really listening but nothing says your important like having a conference call on speaker phone while you check your fantasy football stats. NOTE: The above rule about meetings apply. Just in case some one asks you a question…. And they will have to ask it several times because you aren’t paying attention…. Please practice these phrases “Sorry I had you on mute… I was Saying” or for a question demanding specific information “I’m sorry I’ll need more information before I answer that” or “let me crunch some numbers and I’ll get back to ya”. Another phrase you may want to memorize is “I don’t have the Resource Availability” or the off shoot “My resources are stretched pretty thin”… now no one on the call will realize that the last time you ever even thought of Resource Availability let alone your usage against actual was back in January when you vomited some figures at a cog you had assigned to do your forecasting for the year ( A task you were supposed to do….good job) but it sounds great on conference call where they can’t see the cogs beneath you standing around 5417’s desk talking about last nights raid on the Scarlet Monastery for hours on end.

To cement yourself as a True tool you must be the master of the walk about, you can only be at your desk for conference calls, the rest of the time you need to be walking around, go down to the coffee shop and spread your toolish disinformation. Say things like “Im sneaking away from 4 meetings to grab a coffee…I haven’t had lunch in days…you know how it is” or pull out your device, glare at it and say something like “They always no how to find me” and chuckle. Do walk bys of your bosses desk to ask him question that he probably already had a tool answer you about in a email…make them short meaningless questions and be sure to interrupt anything that he happens to be doing….you are that important. While at your bosses desk, segue any dead air into a meaningless conversation about his last vacation or his son’s admittance to Ivy league tool factory. The more of his time you monopolies, the more important you are.

On of the important things you must remember… your body armor against all blame… will be the tools denial. When push comes to shove you never knew about it…. Even if they have you on the attendance sheet for that meeting and the single topic was X…. you never even heard of it, further more you are outraged at the situation. If they attempt to pin you to the wall or worse yet, succeed in pinning you to the wall…listen carefully… without admitting guilt, point out that you had 25 meetings scheduled for that time and were probably stretching yourself to thin… that’s right, turn the whole thing into a gamble for more resources!

One last thing… Remember to tell the higher paid people exactly what THEY want to hear. That can change from one to the next…it doesn’t matter, your rubber baby..Nothing sticks.

Jury Doody…. See, it’s a pun…get it

So the Clockwinder received the notice from the county government and did his civic duty by heading into the courthouse to serve as a possible juror for a day…or two. I thought I’d share the experience so that people in other countries…such as New Jersey… would know what it is like.

So you arrive at the courthouse at 8:15 AM, your first obstacle is the Metal detector/ reminder that your one of the little people station. I motored up, having listened to the recording the night before, Sans phone, ipod, black berry or any other device or weapon and was told to empty my pockets and remove my belt…”Remove my belt”??... but being a sheep in the lair of the wolf I complied. After they confiscated one of the keys from my keyring for the day, I got the achievement unlock and headed to the next challenge.

Check in was surprisingly easy…I supplied a copy of my notice and parking stub ( as I had listened to the recording….baaaaa) and had it validated and followed the instructions to sit in the waiting area.

Now the waiting area is a large room full of chairs that are just a hair on the + side of uncomfortable. You and 150 friends (or comrades) attempt to make your self comfortable while over the next 45 minutes people are called up to make corrections on their jury questionnaires.

A judge came out and gave us a speech, then a jury guy gives us the low down, we’ll have a 10 minute break cause the bailiffs are already on their way down, there are apparently 35 cases on the dock today and things are about to get jumping.

So after break I squeeze back into my chair and wait for the action to begin…and wait…and wait. Hours latter, after having not called a single jury, we are all thanked and sent home.

::::Blink…Blink::::

You see, apparently Jurors are sort of a unpaid legal tool, some sort of Judicial trump card, who cause lawyers and clients to settle/ cop a plea or what ever.

So I walked back to the parking garage, climbed in my car with the consolation that I had done my civic duty.

The Mandalorian

“He ain’t no bleedin Mandalorian!!” he snapped, maybe just a little to abruptly for man who stood in the presence of none other than Gammon Bog himself. He quickly regained his composer, reigned his anger back in, though Daro Kask may have a bottomless reserve of it, his many years (and scars) had taught him just when the best moments were to tap it….and this wasn’t one. “Excuse me….Milord” he growled as he shifted his battered helmet that he was holding in his left hand.

The Magnificence that was Gamon Bog considered the man before him, he floated in his favorite tank of glowing liquid with several of his tentacles stroking the brow of his single eye ( A eye, that it was said, saw all and missed nothing) as his beak seem to let out a brief laugh that the attached translator could not interpret. “I take it you have issue with the illustrious Boba Fett?” the speaker blared in a voice totally unfitting of the massive floating Cephalopod as Bog’s eye widened as to take in the man’s reaction.

The scared Mandalorians eyes narrowed a bit, and bog could sense his muscle tighten as he spoke. “Nothing personal persay…I ain’t never met him and he aint ever met me….” He paused as he glanced around the room at the talent Bog had assembled into his murderous retinue…and he regarded them with contempt. “But he ain’t no Mandolorian, he’s a clone of one. He ain’t been on the hunt, he aint ever stalked in the Jamik wood armed only with a knife, by smell and sound alone, he’s never been called to serve in a family commando and he sure as hell aint never stood the judgment before the elders…” He paused as he took a slow a deliberate breath. He could not help but smell the fear that some of the creatures gave off, like the mere mention of Fett could doom them, he had no such fear, he would say it all again to Fett’s face even with the mans carbine shoved in his mouth.

“Now..” he continued, stepping closer to Bog, allowing the light of the glowing liquid of the Tentacled ones tank illuminate his face and his Hideous scar that disfigured its left side, “...you have to ask yourself what’s worth more… A Original… or a copy”.

The Spy

I live between the turning of a pages of history, a unseen post script and invisible sentence that could spell your doom.

I am the face you do not see, even though I have just walked past you, I am indistinguishable from the crowd. Though I am the lead of our play, my appearance is that of the backdrop and the scenery. My art is to look just like everyone else, those normal people that the exceptional people choose not to see.

You will never know I am here

Tuesday....

So there is the Clockwinder, who doesnt have to be to work until the Afternoon, sitting down working on some paperwork. This particular piece Paperwork seemed innocent enough.... but located at the very bottom was a incantation so sinister, so foul, that Lovecraft himself would go all weak in the knee's.... It read simply "Car Registration Information".... and it would summon fourth a day that would make the heroes of yore reconsider the yore hero vocation.

I walked innocently out to my Truck to retrieve the information that the forces of darkness demanded and soon discovered that I had lost my registration slip... though I think it more likely that some ancient primal force of evil ripped space and time in twain and stole it. "Rats" I thought, not knowing that the pendulum of fate had been set in motion.

With Registration lost, I decided to jot down my license plate number to aide me in my tasks... a trip which took me past the front of my truck....where I beheld that I had been hit by someone....or something. Since I am not yet that far gone, and would have noticed such a thing, I could only assume that some high lord of the Jack Wagons hit my truck while It was in the parking lot of the Chinese restaurant ( as I normally nose into spaces it was the only time I remember it could have been hit) "Dang Nabit!" I cried "Pizza Pie!" I exclaimed... though not a devastating blow to my vehicle it was the point that someone had done it ( what ever hit me was white) and simply drove off. I composed my self and continued my License plate quest (*** Achievement Unlock***).

Now came the placing of the crown on this Trilogy of doom...my car was 2 months past due for inspection... meaning that I...The humble clockwinder... would have to scale the mountains of Madness known as "THE DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLE" the very place that angels go to die.

Since I had 3 hours before I had to be to work, I sped over, stealing myself against what was to come. I had not visited the lair of the beast in some time and as I made my way in ( Fortitude save DC19) I realized it had changed quite a bit. From the Grumpy old troll by the door I was issued a number of fate... I immediately noticed how high it was... and how low the "now serving" numbers of glowing blood red LEDs were and for a brief moment... my courage waned.

I shouldered my way through what could only be described as a twisted Noah's Arc like collection of people of the planet earth to a seat and awaited my turn....and waited...and waited. But soon, I could see the summit of my quest as I was only 20 souls of the damned from being called... then it happened.

He strode in the room in all his hellish glory, his Powder blue DMV shirt, his crumpled Kahki Paints and Shoes forged from the tears of 1000 failed driving tests, The gleam in his eye should have alerted me, yet in my hope of soon being done with my quest I was oblivious to the torture that was about to take place.

"To speed things up" he said in a voice that would make a puppy cry "Im going to go through Row by Row for registrations and renewals" My heart leapt for joy as I realized that me and my two friends...who spoke no English... were in the ghastly pews closet to him... "Huzzah!" I thought. Oh how bitter destiny, as the man proceeded to go around the room in a exact and pre planned way to make us the very last people called. People would walk in the building and he would call them before us... and all I could do, as the madness gripped the essence of my very being, was stare dumbfounded.

Many hours latter (yet in time for work) I walked, beaten and battered from the building, unable to give words to the unspeakable insanity i had witnessed. It is only now... in the warmth of my study, wrapped in my favorite smoking jacket and smoking my trusted pipe... that I feel safe enough to put to words what had transpired that day.. but yet, I cant help but feel a soul crushing chill as the smoke of my pipe seems to form images from....The DMV.

Star War: The Old Republic.....a Clockwork Review

This past weekend, like a great many fanboys, I was lucky
enough to playtest the new Star Wars MMORPG from Bioware…”The Old Republic”

To Level set… I am a extreme fanboy…of episodes IV, V and VI, not so much the unmentionable
ones. I was a day 1 “Star Wars: Galaxies” player back in the day though I fled
the game after the infamous “Update”.

My dislike for the first three films seemed to be a precursor
for a sublime hatred of this game, set many years before… However….

I liked it… Allot… please read the entirety of this review
as it is not a glowing dissertation nor a reverent “they can do no wrong review”…

But I liked the game.

The Positive….

I made and played 3 classes of Charecters, 2 republic, 1
Sith empire, They were The Trooper, The Jedi Guardian and The Bounty Hunter.
They Jedi I only played to level 5 but the Trooper and Bounty Hunter I played
until level 11 and level 9… out of the starting planet.

Character Selection was pretty standard, however avatar
creation was amazing. Though their didn’t seem to be much in the way of
options, my heroes looked exactly the way I wanted them to, never in a game had
my Avatar fit the image of what I wanted to play. There are a number of races
to choose from after you first pick a faction, then you choose your “career”
and click, off you go.

The opening cinematics for both sides are amazing and really
capture the feel of the game and the genre…in fact the cut scenes in the game
and the voice acting are some of the best I have ever seen in a MMO.

The play dynamic worked for me, its not a mouse smashing
kinda game where its who ever left clicks the most wins. You choose your attack
it happens, usually over X number of seconds, then you click the next. Most of
the time my Avatar would correct any LOS issues by auto turning to keep a enemy
in his arc.

Game play in a way is typical of most MMO’s with the
exception of your storyline quests, these are different per class and propel
your hero into the world of SWTOR. There are side quests to do, but they are
more or less exp generators and not as involved as the Storyline quests.

The Main quests were remarkably level appropriate for the

classes I ran…hard but not impossible and took you fluidly from one end of the
starting zone to the other. Travel being aided by Speeder bike taxi’s and the
ability to recall to any binding point in the zone.

The Jedi… Though I can not see the harm of letting a Jedi Character
start with a light saber… in SWTOR you start with a “practice Saber”, a
glorified stick…but the move animation and your characters abilities are kinda
cool. At Level 2 my Jedi was kinda neat looking….his equipment and gear gave
him a very “Guardian like” appearance, but, when I got to the Jedi Temple they
robbed me of my cool vestments and had me running around in what could only be described
as a blouse. I can not wait to see what future quests the Jedi has.

The Trooper… The big armored attack guy for the republic was
the class I played the most. I loved the ability progression and the attack animation.
The quests were fun and entertaining… the only issue I had was gear. Even at 11th
level I looked like a guy running around in long johns, while the guy that had
been assigned to me as my underling (all classes get “crew”…I think) looked
super cool. It was great to follow the story as you discovered the Imperial
involvement in the planets war and put a stop to it.

The Bounty Hunter…. The best for last… by far my favorite
class I played. From level 1 through Level 9 I looked and was totally Bad Ass.
Your response choices (think ME2 Radial menu) were bad ass and you could back
it up as you sought to gain entrance into the Mandolorian “Great Hunt”. There
was no part of the Bounty hunter quests I did not like…even the Starting Planet
“Hutta” was a great place (Though I think the Trooper starting area was
bigger). By the time I had won my place in the Hunt I was dressed in kick arse
armor and armed with a bundle of kick ass.

I really did love this game…

The Bad…

I am not going to sugar coat this nor make you wait, in my
opinion the game is 2 months from a great launch, with that said, it is
scheduled to be released in a few weeks. There were a lot of little issues,
Loot lights (when something is lootable a beacon shines up from the body, color
coded to the rarity of the item) not on bodies, bodies disappearing under
ground, Map issues and a odd lag in the using abilities at times could use to
be ironed out.

I know the Mantra “unreleased games Don’t make money”
however Day 1 rep says allot for a game as well.

The Traitor Syndrome…. Was it me or was every story line
based on Betrayal?? There has to be some other motivation as well. There is
also a amazing number of complete Jack-wagon NPC’s …. People who, if they didn’t
have a quest icon over their head…and those quests made me more awesome… I
would have gunned down in a Alderanian minute.

I will close with this…I plan on playing the game.... not that that matters to anyone :o)

Thanksgiving Memories....... I think.

When I think on Thanksgivings past…. I am always reminded of
2nd grade, back at Medill Elementary school.

We were putting on a Thanksgiving play and I had the pivotal
role of Myles Standish, The dark a brooding soldier who was fleeing a life time of troubled memories and seeking redemption in the “New World” ( At least thats what I was bringing to the role…. As the teacher staunchly refused to give me satisfactory motivation).

I have to say, for me the high point, the Climax of the
whole play, was the Ad-libbed Fight scene during the Thanksgiving feast. Done entirely in Slow Motion, Me with my sword gripped in my teeth and a Blazing Wheel Lock pistol in each hand… Charged arms akimbo… into the Mass of Nazi’s
that had descended on Plymouth via their alien Time-machine.

At one point in the battle, after killing 2 SS gruppenfuhers with a ham, I seemingly fired a pistol straight into the air for no reason….that was until the final fight between me and Hitler. It looked like I was finished…he had me on the ground, staring into the barrel of his luger when I say….

Standish “ Know what I’m Thankful for….”

Hitler :::: with fiendish glee:::: “Nien….Vhat?”

Standish :::with a smile:::: “Gravity you son of a Bitch”

As the bullet fired earlier came crashing down through the
top of his head….oh how the Indians and Pilgrims cheered me.

Well…. At least that’s how I am remembering it now…. It was
a long time ago.

Idiotic Blatherings on Dreams.....

Dreams... I have always had great dreams... and also mind numbingly horrifying ones when I was young. I still have them, they haven't mellowed with age. There are some that... as soon as I wake up, I want to go back to bed and continue them.. then there are others, specially when I was young, that I would wake up from and be afraid to breath I was so horrified.

I remember being so scared once, that I could not will my arm over to turn on the light because I was certain that the monster under my bed would grab me. During the bad dreams, it always amazes me how real they seem and how long it takes you ( maybe only a minute it real time but it seems much longer) to realize it was just a dream... and the overwhelming sense of relief that you feel.

As I grew older, even my bad dreams took a cool twist, they usually started bad and then somehow the tables turned. I have to say, for some reason I seem to have the worst luck with weapons in my dreams... firearms at least, maybe that is true for all firearms on the dream plane. I remember one where a murderer was chasing me and some friends ... things looked bad... then BAM! I find a whole closet of guns (that took herculean strength to pull the trigger)... lets just say the tables turned ( even though a few didnt operate).

Its amazing how real everything seems and even feels. I wonder if anyone will ever be able to harness the Dream world as a entertainment venue. Its been covered in movies, but imagine how cool it would be if your new gaming platform was your subconscious mind ( though I will argue I have been entertained by my imagination for all my life).

How would that mess you up.... to be someone else in a dream, then wake up. How would the lines between real and "unreal" blur. I mean I have had a dream where there was a person... who I have never meet... Dont ever remember seeing and yet I felt like I knew them all my life... I even felt that way when I woke up, imagine how a manipulated dream could mess you up.

Where do the "NPC's" come from in my dreams. Sure sometimes some friends...maybe even the person reading this... finds there way into a dream, but for the most part I don't recognize anyone. Is there Central casting? Is it like a Random Character generator?

what if the brain could be programed? can you "load specific "software" ( or wetware maybe), could you have a "multi player" Dream based game? What would the mainframe be like for Dream-players to meet and interact? Would you remember those you met? What you had done? What would losing a life be like?

Romance in dreams? Is it like cheating? should there be guilt associated with it? If you could be programed to dream about a certain woman/man, is that then cheating.... one is not controlled by you (I think) the other would be. What a can of worms that would open. I have always wondered if people get jealous when their other's have a dream about another person.

I am sure that there are people who could and will tell me the science of dreaming and why we do, then they will launch into a dissertation on what dreams mean and how F'd up I am... like someone trying to explain a magnificent illusion... but I like the mystery. I like to think that its a subconscious play ground, sure I believe that the dreams we have must mean something but hey... I have no complaints.... just wish I could revisit some of the past episodes.

Hmmmmmmmm........ The battle against the blatantly obvious

Ok... so there I was watching a movie on Netflix... yes, it was a bad movie, however... and the heroes were trying to figure out who the bad guy was... now in the group there were several contenders, but only one with black clothing and a black cloak. The whole time I’m thinking “Neh, it can’t be him... to obvious” so despite the Evil glares and barely concealed sinister smirks I continued to believe It couldnt be.... It was.

After I regained consciousness ( Apparently you can only bang your head against a table so many before you go unconscious) I began to realize that books and films are just jammed packed full of guys that wear their evil on their sleeve.... ok, if your Darth Vader you get a pass, but if your like wormtongue....shouldn't you at least seem to be a ok guy before they make you the kings advisor. Shouldnt you really suspect something when the cat has his hair greased back, a super severe widows peak and giggles when babies cry ? Maybe this guy isnt really the best choice for Lord Chancellor

Of course their is the the Ying to this black and sinister Yang, thats the guy that is so unbelievably good that he has to be the bad guy....and is. Seldom used but none the less a let down when the heroes life long friend turns out to be in cahoots with the ....wait for.... Black cloak wearing bad guy.

I am trying to remember the last time I was truly surprised at a “reveal”... when the curtain is pulled back to expose the worm crawling, festering sore of Evil’s plan... and I can’t remember one.

will this stop me from reading books and movies....hell no.

Notes on A New Hope....

I decided to jot down some notes while watching the movie.... they are in chronological order and would make sense if you were watching it....but here they are for posterity.

Really? are there that many stray droids roaming the desert to not alone warrant a nightly Jawa droid ambush but also to support a entire thriving industry?? were each of the droids they line up at the Lar’s farmstead found roaming the desert? When will the droids get the vote?

The red one ?.... you choose the red one and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

You can “wake up” a droid by hitting it??

“ I wonder if he means ol Ben Kenobi”...How many Kenobi’s live on Tatoine anyway?

Apparently R2’s hologram is as close to porn that Luke can get....and by his reaction when it cuts off, Luke needs his holograms.

Eating Dinner...Bright Daylight... Gets out side, Twin Sunset.... gets to garage, Night time... I think look might have stopped to view a hologram or two.

How far could R2 have gotten.... he really never struck me as having Nascar like speed.

Dude...seriously.... where the hell did that Sand raider come from?.... it was like luke was near a spawn point.

Are those ancient cave drawings behind luke’s speeder?

“Such devotion in a Droid” whats that supposed to mean you racist bastard.

“You go on Master luke” Oh god please...please leave him.

Ben says “ he was the best star pilot in the galaxy” and all I can think is “Yipeee!” thanks Lucas

full disclosure...I would have giggled like a girl and swung that light saber for hours.

“How did my father die?” Ben “Gulp”

wait...someone tells you he wants to train you to become a super kick ass warrior and you say you have to go home and do your chores?

Death Star Meetings are a “Start on Time, End on time” Affair, they even started without Vader and Tarkin.

Coffee mugs on the table...wonder who does their catering.

Meeting Minutes : Vader responds by choking

“Seriously Sir... you want us to burn down a hole in the ground?”

Vader really needs two guars with him to interrogate Princess Leah?

Jawas are apparently really light.

ok... the Short guy in the background when they pull up to the cantina....WTF?

“we dont serve their kind”....racist bastard

trying to figure out what all the pipes are around the bar

brought blasters to a light saber fight....epic fail

always imagines the guy that goes out to tell the stormtroopers has a very thick Minnesota accent “Oh Yah, dat der fella done cut dem down”

Han solo..... Thats all I got to say about that.

“You bet I could!!”... and all I hear is “Yipeeee”...Thanks Lucas.

Greedo/ Han scene....excuse me I have to close my eyes and pretend Lucas hasnt coated it with liquid suck.

“perhaps she will respond to a alternative form of persuasion” ....me thinks somebody just got back from a training class.

“Set course for Alderan”.....”This thing flys to??....Sweeeeet”

Why exactly is the fact that the door is locked a sign that the droids that they are desperately seeking are not there?

Of course hes a spy....he has a big nose.

funny isnt it....the suckiest things about the Jabba scene are the things they added. Sadly I include fett in that. BTW...just notes there are like 4 other Rhodians with him.

BTW: the Falcon....giggle

“Which way?” Um how about the door way with the huge 94 next to it.

Love the Docking bay 94 scene

I love every inch of the Falcon

Three Cruisers in orbit around Tatoine?

You put him in his place Han.....”Boy!”

you dont know how hard I found it signing the execution order” on account that there are no pens or such.

I wonder if they painted a planet on the side of the deathstar after they blew up Alderan.

During the Light Saber Training scene...look behind look, are those like Giant bags of Generic brand Wookie chow on the shelf?

“You dont believe in the force do you”...”Hells to the no”

“Looks like we are coming up on Alderan” or a British police car

“She Lied” Is Tarkin going to have to Slap a Bitch?

“Terminator her... Immediately” you know ... that never goes as fast as you think, they have to send security to watch her as she cleans out her desk.... then there is the Exit interview....

The Deathstar must need the fighter screen because the sensor station is in the Southern Hemisphere and has different communications protocol....it could take hours for a report to get to the right people.

Bay 327...is clear.

love the three guys that run a cross the hanger bay....must be late from break.

TK421....is not at his post.

bam....1 down 27,987 to go

“I want to go with you”....um ....no

“scheduled to be terminated”? well lord vader....if i move some things around maybe i can fit her in next wednesday.

sure....just leave the unarmed droids to fend for themselves.... racist bastards

obi wan shinobi....all sneaky and stuff

“where are you taking this ...thing”....racist bastard

Dention block shoot out....giggle!

for not being able to see a thing in those helmets....they sure are some camera hitting SOBs.

“Arent you a little short for a stormtrooper?” “Arent you a little ugly for a princess”

The Deathstar has like 1 meeting room..... but nobody knows where it is so thats why Tarkin can always book it.

“looks like you manage to cut off are only escape route” “maybe you’d like to grease up and squeeze back into your cell”

oh sure....now they need the droids

“its not going to take them long to figure out what happened to us” Yeah, but its going to take them forever to find a cab to get down there.

Trash compactor was never my favorite scene.

Deathstar tosses out allot of gray styrofoam

Han can’t bluff worth Shiz...but 3PO has them eating out of his golden hand.

“We’re all going to be allot thinner” obviously aimed at Leah.

3263827....thats the pressure hatch number.

Obi Wan Shinobi....Jedi Ninja

Were they really wearing their clothes under the armor...including Hans boots?...and a Vest? Do you really wear a vest under armor....ever?

Do you think Stormtroopers have to do Electronic time keeping?

I hate the added SPFX in the Han chasing the Stormtrooper scene... Why Exactly is there a huge room full of Stormtroopers just standing around?

“There coming through” God the whining!! they are brother and sister.

BTW, one of the stormtroopers that they kill and steal their armor Does have a grappling hook on his belt....continuity!!

That sir....is a blast door

Vader vs Ben.....BEGIN!!!

Well....they are allot older

“Your powers are weak old man” “Yes, my lungs must be tired, what with all the air I can breath without the aide of a respirator”

NOOOooooo.....I believe that is now the Skywalker battlecry

the Falcon...teeeeheeee

mopey Luke....a good old fashion Killing will bring him out of it.

Atari 1200 on line

luke killed two people....all happy now

“you sure the homing beacon is safely on board?” Vader thinks “a....homing beacon?”

Movie looks great in HD

4th Moon of Yavin....55MPH please

XWING!!!! WOOT!!!

wow.....these are the plans?? they built the deathstar....according to these plans??

Snub Fighter?? you mean the Incom T65 Xwing? the super awesomist star fighter ever?

Bullseye womp rats?? did the womprats have the fire power of half the imperial fleet? No? then shut up!

ewwwwwww kiss number 2

Biggs!!! liked the cut scene at tosche station btw

why does a guy in a basket have a spear?

the sound of sfoils being locked is also the sound of a galactic can of woop ass being opened.

they had to grease porkins to get him in the fighter.

scanners in this universe suck!

ever notice that the guy that is all calm is not gold leader...he’s gold 5

you go red leader

the lag made red leader miss

god this movie rox

Yeah Wedge....you worry about those fighters and let mister womp rats worry about the exhaust port.

Sure....now R2 is your bestest friend in the whole world

Biggs is off the lifeday card list.

Do what he say...do what he say

Han AND the Falcon....Achievement unlock!!

Runaway!!!

I wonder who was flying the surviving Ywing?

Dont act like you care now luke...go back to laughing and joking around while 3po cries streams of oil.

I was wondered if someone watching this ceremony is thinking “gee Ive been in the rebellion 10 year, these guys 6 hours....and I aint ever gotten the big medal”

CLAP CLAP CLAP WHISTLE SHOUT CREDITS

Luminous beings are we.....

As stated before...I am, since 1977, a huge colossal star wars geek/fanboy/nerd, however I am sorry to say that the movies that shall not be mentioned did take some of the fuel from the fire.

At the end of October I picked up “Star Wars Force Unleashed II”, Though as stated in a earlier post, I did have some issues with the game play and the shortness of the game, the story was truly pickled in 100% pure Awesome. From the beginning scene training with Vader to the appearance of Slave I at the end, it was worth every penny I had spent on it. I had paid more for a movie and hadn't been so well entertained.

I also noted that the game did have the added effect of rekindling my Fantonic flames. I soon found myself in possession on the blurays of the true films and watching within the confines of a single weekend.

I find myself leafing through my collection of Star Wars Art books.... One was given to me as a gift on my 18th Birthday by a friend and the others predate that... that hadnt been opened in a very very long time.

I want to play more Star Wars games, Im sad they haven't updated “Xwing” for the 21st century world.... and I am counting the days until the “Old Republic” release.

My kids help to, Kevin and I play Lego Star Wars III on the ps3 and My youngest Owen, actually asked me tonight to finish Unleashed, he liked to sit and watch, like he was watching a movie.

Its like me and a old friend who had a falling out have made up, I can’t wait to see what trouble we get into in the future.

Growing up a Geek

A lot of times I look around these days and think " Its easier being a Geek these days" as I watch the crowds of Goth geeks, Anime Geeks Game Cube Geeks and _______ the card game geeks run around in their little clicks. I don't think things were really that easy for us folk in the Olde Tyme days, Geek wasn't really excepted.

I started high school in 1979, and I was already a geek I didn't belong to any click and due to people moving away and my parents divorce, I think the only people I Talked to were at school. I had one "close friend" ( a geek also) but he being a couple years older and trying to deal with the trials of high school we weren't as close as we had once been.

Geekiness was to be hidden in those days, the last thing you wanted was for the Kids on the bus to find out that you played dungeons and dragons, the verbal assault alone would put a 1000 bomber raid to shame. I loved Star Wars, I made blasters at home, I drew Tie fighters and dreamed of X-wings, but this was something I kept to myself. Out of fear, I dreaded the day when my secret would come out. My first two years of school were tough, but eventually I found a sort of geek underground and two groups of friends.

The first was in the most unlikely of guises, a group of heavy metal, pot smoking beer drinking fantastic people who lived in my old neighborhood. These guys were great, we spent many a day playing D&D in their parents basement followed by watching " Centerfold" on MTV. They did make fun of me because I usually brought a six pack of Hawaiian punch to the "parties" ( still don't drink ) but they were great people.

The second group of people weren't necessarily geeks, but were the geeks age old allies, the nerds. They were the Honor students and computer nerds, basically our little group became everyone who didn't belong, theatre people, library aides the works. I wish I could let you see these people back them, One girl was a Cheerleader who loved Lord of the Rings, Two of the guys were so smart, they went on to be some of the early pioneers of computer gaming. We would do everything together, Two of them were brother and sister and there TV room became our sanctuary, their parents were, and are, held very close to my heart.

There was usually a lot of Geeky drama with in the group, I think at one point every male in the group had asked one particular female out and she had refused them all, Vans were "borrowed" with out permission and boyfriends disapproved of, but that all added to the color of this extended family.

It was through the second group that I came into contact with the Female of the species in a social atmosphere for the first time. In my geeky life I had not been exposed to them. I would eventually begin the dating thing but my first "Girlfriend" was actually someone I meet playing D&D at a local game store ( and I was a senior at the time).

Things were not always sunshine and fresh air, I can still see the Jocks plinking the ears of one fellow on the bus, and the verbal assault was brutal. The insults we suffered in computer class, Dailey, from two football players I sure has put some bricks in my wall ( One of them latter broke his neck in a game and was confined to a wheel chair). I was somewhat taller and broader then most of my friends so I think I was spared the worst but the old saying "Kids can be cruel" is so very true.

A old dead guy once said " what does not kill you makes you stronger" and I think he was right. I still don't like to admit to my Geeky hobbies ( except through the curtain of the internet ) I guess I still may fear those demons of the Jocks but I look around these days and I like to think that it is easier being a Geek in todays world, more birds of a feather sort of speaking. I look back at things back then, we survived, and in fact looking back at those times over 20 years on, when I think of them, I smile.

Vacationing in the Post Apocalypse

(Actually a old post from my Star Wars.com blog)

Sure you can be all doom and gloom about things, " The end is here!!!" " Father why have you forsaken us!" but I prefer to be a glass half full kinda guy when the Apocalypse comes. First off, lots of space, what with all the death and all I imagine property values will drop through the floor. Leather clad, crossbow wielding, Mohawk having Survivors will be able to have the finest homes. Think of it, you drive your "Last of the v-8 interceptor" up to your spacious skull cover mansion to be greeted by your hockey mask wearing wife...bliss. Second, and this sorta ties in to the first, No Traffic, you may have to weave in and out of the abandoned cars but besides the evil motorcycle gangs and megalomaniac wasteland lords, you should have the road to yourself. Third... Purpose, that's right, you know what you need to do, Find a ancient can of spam, loot that last drop of petrol or save the wild hair orphan children, you know what you needs to be accomplished. Fourth...Hopefully Paris Hilton won't make it....imagine... a world without Paris Hilton. Fifth...Making friends, that's right, you can look forward to participating in a bizarre ritual in order to befriend the poor farming community. Don't worry about your friends finding out, chances are they'll be wiped out in a few days by one of the nameless dangers of the PAW ( Post apocalyptic world...TM Clockwork Jalopy Inc). Sixth... If you're a guy, There are apparently a lot of scantly clad women in the PAW. They are all over the place. They are driving tanks, Riding motorcycles, Running towns and heading Gangs-O-Death so that's pretty cool. You have to be careful because apparently the Apocalypse has made them all mean, but they are there. Seventh... Meeting Quirky friends, sure you have you friends now a days, but they all look the same don't they? Don't they look just like the friends over there (points) and over there (points again). In the PAW you'll get to befriend the Nutty inventor guy, the cute little beast Boy or the half dissolved mutant with a heart of gold...think of the times you'll have. Imagine you a Mr Fibbs, the 6 foot mutant penguin, huddled around the wasteland campfire telling amusing limericks until dawn...Oh the times you'll have. Eighth... Super cool mutations, sure there is cancer and slow lingering death, but maybe, just maybe, you'll get yourself a Super Cool Mutation ( SCM ). You could be the desert wandering warrior who can breath underwater or the defender of Happy town that can dissolve into a puddle at will...Think of it!!! Keep in mind SCM's will sort of define you, every corrugated town you wonder into will want to see you shoot beams out your eyes or #### fire. Ninth... You don't have to dress up to go out. Old leather jacket set of beaten up shoulder pads and torn jeans and your set for most occasions. Gone is all that peer pressure as you can finally blossom into your own Grime covered fashion plate. You want to wear sequence boots, you wear sequence boots. Tenth... Thunder Dome...Two men enter, one man leaves...enough said.