Tuesday, November 29, 2011


So there is the Clockwinder, who doesnt have to be to work until the Afternoon, sitting down working on some paperwork. This particular piece Paperwork seemed innocent enough.... but located at the very bottom was a incantation so sinister, so foul, that Lovecraft himself would go all weak in the knee's.... It read simply "Car Registration Information".... and it would summon fourth a day that would make the heroes of yore reconsider the yore hero vocation.

I walked innocently out to my Truck to retrieve the information that the forces of darkness demanded and soon discovered that I had lost my registration slip... though I think it more likely that some ancient primal force of evil ripped space and time in twain and stole it. "Rats" I thought, not knowing that the pendulum of fate had been set in motion.

With Registration lost, I decided to jot down my license plate number to aide me in my tasks... a trip which took me past the front of my truck....where I beheld that I had been hit by someone....or something. Since I am not yet that far gone, and would have noticed such a thing, I could only assume that some high lord of the Jack Wagons hit my truck while It was in the parking lot of the Chinese restaurant ( as I normally nose into spaces it was the only time I remember it could have been hit) "Dang Nabit!" I cried "Pizza Pie!" I exclaimed... though not a devastating blow to my vehicle it was the point that someone had done it ( what ever hit me was white) and simply drove off. I composed my self and continued my License plate quest (*** Achievement Unlock***).

Now came the placing of the crown on this Trilogy of doom...my car was 2 months past due for inspection... meaning that I...The humble clockwinder... would have to scale the mountains of Madness known as "THE DEPARTMENT OF MOTOR VEHICLE" the very place that angels go to die.

Since I had 3 hours before I had to be to work, I sped over, stealing myself against what was to come. I had not visited the lair of the beast in some time and as I made my way in ( Fortitude save DC19) I realized it had changed quite a bit. From the Grumpy old troll by the door I was issued a number of fate... I immediately noticed how high it was... and how low the "now serving" numbers of glowing blood red LEDs were and for a brief moment... my courage waned.

I shouldered my way through what could only be described as a twisted Noah's Arc like collection of people of the planet earth to a seat and awaited my turn....and waited...and waited. But soon, I could see the summit of my quest as I was only 20 souls of the damned from being called... then it happened.

He strode in the room in all his hellish glory, his Powder blue DMV shirt, his crumpled Kahki Paints and Shoes forged from the tears of 1000 failed driving tests, The gleam in his eye should have alerted me, yet in my hope of soon being done with my quest I was oblivious to the torture that was about to take place.

"To speed things up" he said in a voice that would make a puppy cry "Im going to go through Row by Row for registrations and renewals" My heart leapt for joy as I realized that me and my two friends...who spoke no English... were in the ghastly pews closet to him... "Huzzah!" I thought. Oh how bitter destiny, as the man proceeded to go around the room in a exact and pre planned way to make us the very last people called. People would walk in the building and he would call them before us... and all I could do, as the madness gripped the essence of my very being, was stare dumbfounded.

Many hours latter (yet in time for work) I walked, beaten and battered from the building, unable to give words to the unspeakable insanity i had witnessed. It is only now... in the warmth of my study, wrapped in my favorite smoking jacket and smoking my trusted pipe... that I feel safe enough to put to words what had transpired that day.. but yet, I cant help but feel a soul crushing chill as the smoke of my pipe seems to form images from....The DMV.


Anonymous said...

There is truly no place more damned and repugnant than the DMV.

Mark T said...

You should move out my way... I've been to the local DMV 4 (four) (**FOUR**) times in the last month, since moving here (with one more visit to come in the next week or two) and each time I've either walked in and sat down in front of one of the two attendants employed there for immediate service, or else waited on one of the 6 nearby chairs for service, which I got within two minutes. Brandy and I got our MO drivers licenses together in under 15 min, got registered and plated together in under 15 min a few days later. Sometimes the DMV can be a pleasant place, but you just might have to move to Green Acres or Mayberry to find one.

mirwyn said...

I'm dreading knowing that I have to get a new license AND get a new plate this December. My soul dies a little bit more each day I realize I am 24 hours closer to that dark place we tell children tales about to keep them in line!