Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Vacationing in the Post Apocalypse

(Actually a old post from my Star Wars.com blog)

Sure you can be all doom and gloom about things, " The end is here!!!" " Father why have you forsaken us!" but I prefer to be a glass half full kinda guy when the Apocalypse comes.
First off, lots of space, what with all the death and all I imagine property values will drop through the floor. Leather clad, crossbow wielding, Mohawk having Survivors will be able to have the finest homes. Think of it, you drive your "Last of the v-8 interceptor" up to your spacious skull cover mansion to be greeted by your hockey mask wearing wife...bliss.

Second, and this sorta ties in to the first, No Traffic, you may have to weave in and out of the abandoned cars but besides the evil motorcycle gangs and megalomaniac wasteland lords, you should have the road to yourself.

Third... Purpose, that's right, you know what you need to do, Find a ancient can of spam, loot that last drop of petrol or save the wild hair orphan children, you know what you needs to be accomplished.

Fourth...Hopefully Paris Hilton won't make it....imagine... a world without Paris Hilton.

Fifth...Making friends, that's right, you can look forward to participating in a bizarre ritual in order to befriend the poor farming community. Don't worry about your friends finding out, chances are they'll be wiped out in a few days by one of the nameless dangers of the PAW ( Post apocalyptic world...TM Clockwork Jalopy Inc).

Sixth... If you're a guy, There are apparently a lot of scantly clad women in the PAW. They are all over the place. They are driving tanks, Riding motorcycles, Running towns and heading Gangs-O-Death so that's pretty cool. You have to be careful because apparently the Apocalypse has made them all mean, but they are there.

Seventh... Meeting Quirky friends, sure you have you friends now a days, but they all look the same don't they? Don't they look just like the friends over there (points) and over there (points again). In the PAW you'll get to befriend the Nutty inventor guy, the cute little beast Boy or the half dissolved mutant with a heart of gold...think of the times you'll have. Imagine you a Mr Fibbs, the 6 foot mutant penguin, huddled around the wasteland campfire telling amusing limericks until dawn...Oh the times you'll have.

Eighth... Super cool mutations, sure there is cancer and slow lingering death, but maybe, just maybe, you'll get yourself a Super Cool Mutation ( SCM ). You could be the desert wandering warrior who can breath underwater or the defender of Happy town that can dissolve into a puddle at will...Think of it!!! Keep in mind SCM's will sort of define you, every corrugated town you wonder into will want to see you shoot beams out your eyes or #### fire.

Ninth... You don't have to dress up to go out. Old leather jacket set of beaten up shoulder pads and torn jeans and your set for most occasions. Gone is all that peer pressure as you can finally blossom into your own Grime covered fashion plate. You want to wear sequence boots, you wear sequence boots.

Tenth... Thunder Dome...Two men enter, one man leaves...enough said.

1 comment:

mirwyn said...

Well, ain't we a pair Raggedy Man?