Monday, January 24, 2011

Masks we wear....

noticed today, as I was at a appointment talking to a young lady, that there are masks we wear. For me, it was the mask of a corporate Douche bag, sounding like someone concerned about how his quarterly review was going to turn out.

It was probably one of the few times in my life that being “Brian” would have been a advantage... but though you may not believe it, I am shy and have confidence issues and when I am nervous I “hide” behind a mask... this one being the mask I wore for 17 years “Professional Brian” the banking tool.

I think I even used buzz words, I mean everything I said was true, it answered the questions, it was just like hearing it out of the mouth of someone else. I’m surprised I didn't bring up metrics and things that I had accomplished the last quarter.

Im sure everyone else does it, we have it drilled into us “This is what we expect” that the real “us” gets taken out to decompress when we get home for a few hours before bed. At work you could tell who I was talking to by the way I sounded, If I knew the person on the phone, I’d crack jokes, make fun, ask about family... what ever, but if I didnt know the person It was all formal this and that.

I remember I started eating lunch with some of the Technical folks at work (Greatest Gang ever) and how surprised they were how different I acted once I got to know them, they thought I was just a PMO tool.... I was just keystrokes and phone calls I never “dropped down” to talk.

Oh well, we learn, I cant say I won’t put the mask on again, it is one that Im used to and has it uses in the right place... I just wish I could be me when Im in the Nervous moments.

1 comment:

aravan said...

It's tough. I hate my mask, too, but it's the one that keeps me from saying "that's the dumbest f**king thing I've ever heard" in any given meeting, so I'm stuck with it. I wonder, as roleplayers for fun as well as for profit, if we just become more aware of the fact that Work Us is a role we play, a character, and one that often enough is someone we wouldn't like in "real life". Or maybe it's just something that shy people like ourselves do, and other people are comfortable with themselves all the time and if so I hate them completely.