RIFT.... A Clockwinder Perspective and opinion.

I believe the first MMORPG I ever played was “Star Wars Galaxies”, I was there on day one. I have played allot since, EQII, WOW,LOTROL,DDO and a few others I tried a free play of and didn't like. There are things I liked about each and I wish I could take those things and ball them up into a Uber game... Bur alas I can’t.

With “Galaxies” I would bring the Crafting and the Player housing. It was cool to be able to drop and furnish a house on some secluded mountain top that you could retreat to and drop your stuff. As for the crafting, in “Galaxies” player crafting was everything, any cool item was produced by a player and sold on his vender or one of the vender terminals on one of the many planets, Health stims, uber weapons and super cool clothes all made by player craftsmen from.

From DDO, I would definitely bring the Character playability, and Dungeon experience, To me it is one of the best Dungeoning games out there... it was everything else it missed the boat on. Thieves could disarm traps, pick locks and stealth ahead while wizards dropped walls of fire in door ways to prevent enemies from coming through and warriors... well... did the whole war thing. In the dungeons, you solved puzzles, climbed walls of pipes and located secret doors... everything a dungeon should be.

WOW and EQII have something I strongly believe in for a MMORPG, A whole world concept. You could ride from one end of the continent to the other, unlike DDO or some other games. I love a sense of world exploration, climbing mountains and finding hidden stuff that designers have gone out of their way to spice up the “world”.

One of my pet peeves are games that don’t have a mechanic for opening a Gord Dram Door!! In my opinion, if there is a building, the door should be able to be opened and I should be able to go inside... even if the toon there in only says “get out!” or “Please don’t kill me!” I should be able to do that. The idea of a huge city, that consists of hundreds of buildings I cant interact with is a waist.

We recently took part in Two Beta’s for the new game “Rift”, there is allot I like about the game but some things I don’t. On a Clockwinder scale of 0 to 5, I give it a 3.5. The whole concept of the Rifts, that open up and spew out enemies is actually cool as you fight them and receive special awards but It does suffer from the “cant go in there” thing, as there are countless doors that can not be opened.

We decided to try a Dungeon, just to experience one. There were 3 players, we were significantly higher level as dungeons are meant to be handled by large groups. We went into a Fae Dungeon and I was a little disappointed as it seemed that the only thing we were doing was walking through a shrubbery maze hacking down enemies. No secret doors, no traps nothing to really challenge anything but your ability to click a button on your mouse... until

The saving grace for this dungeon was the final section... the “Winter” area on top of the mountain. Seldom have I come across so neat a scene in a game. as you ascended snow started blowing across the path then you entered a blinding blizzard... the further away a party member went the more obscured he became. The last shrine to be cleansed was a huge giants sword thrust into a rock outcropping... very dramatic. This whole last part saved the Dungeon for me.

Rifts also has some hidden away gems, like the Burial mound located at the top of a secluded mountain... that actually had a amazing weapon in it. It has a continuity of world that I enjoyed and some neat creatures to fight (Rift born and wondering).

Rift allows you to play Guardians or Defiant, We played Guardians in Beta so when we switch to Defiant for “Go Live” the game still holds some surprises for us. It allows a moderate amount of Character modification and each side gets to chose from 3 “normalish” looking races. The real Gem is the Character system, you chose from Warior, Mage, Rouge and Cleric, but within each of those you get a number of “souls that enables you to modify your character countless ways, for instance I was a Rouge... within rouge I had Marksman, Ranger and Saboteur. Each level you receive a certain number of points that can go into each “Soul” to unlock new skills and abilities... It works well.

I look forward to go live for RIFT... it should be a fun game, I worry that Rift fighting will get old fast but so far it has only increased game play. I have been underwhelmed by the cities so far but I haven't seen them all yet. It was perhaps technically the smoothest beta I have ever seen, yes the servers would be brought down now and then but Loading the launcher and playing the game required no tweeking and the game ran well on my box that hasn't been upgraded in awhile. There was not much lagging in the Huge battles with what seemed like hundreds of players fighting 25 or so invading monsters, yes spell effects were lost and some other eye candy but all ran really well.

The Clockwinder recommends “Rift” but is still hoping for the perfect game.

“Thank god I brought my....” A heroes guide to Equipment.

At a get together with fellow chaps who share my Nerdly leanings, amongst other topics, We happened upon the subject of Equipment and how encumbering it would be to a Adventurer. This got me thinking about Movies, TV Shows and Books and how heroes port their goods... and soon the fury was ragging!

BECAUSE THEY DON’T!!!! Sure you may see a pathetic excuse for a backpack, or a quiver with maybe 5 arrows ( Which pisses me off because in the next scene the hero fires like 100 arrows) but you’ll never see them humping some huge pack up to the wizards tower or even so much as put a box or two of shells in their pocket.

Why? They have the miracle of Plotronic intervention, “Hey its dark in here, thank god there is this old bone, a length of cloth and petrol bubbling from the ground so I can make torches”, everything goes their way, they are heroes. Authors and Directors don’t want to bog us down in the minutia of real world logistics. Nothing pisses me off more then to see a guy running around Blasting away with a tommy gun and he isnt even carrying pouches for Magazines so we can kid ourselves that he has reloaded at some point.

Food and Water, Heroes in Movies and books just leap out a window and go running off on quests and adventurers without so much as a thought to consumables. Animals just drop dead at their feet, or better yet, in some form a bizarre naturalistic ritual suicide, they pluck their feathers, impale them self on a spit and cut their heads off.... all because the hero is so damn good. Having had to carry food and water in packs... Its a Bitch.

I guess Games go the exact opposite direction, for some reason, when you play a hero in a MMORPG or RPG you now have to worry about every fricking contingency. You should not be alarmed though, because your hero not only carries A backpack, he can carry 5, full of suits of armor, dozens of weapons, countless glass viles of potions, tons of loot and a amazing array of treasure... without even making the pack straps strain nor explaining just how someone carries 5 backpacks.

One thing that decades of Fake war have taught me, I don't want to be carrying one rifle let alone 5 or 6 and the accompanying ammo. Yet in any game you can have dozens of weapons secured to your body to use at anytime, or worse, a plasma cannon shoved into your trouser pocket (after all, a siege tower takes up as much backpack space as a squirrels tooth.

I realize that in one instance, that of Movies and TV... it is for entertainment value, The script writer will just conjure something if it is important. I am sure in books some authors, afforded the luxury of space and time may describe or explain the heroes burden and I am sure in gaming, its money value, people are going to pay to play games that allow them to Uber themselves out, to switch from their leather jacket to Mk VII power armor ( held in their belt pouch) in 0.2 seconds instead of one that says “ Well thats the weapon you have on your belt... good luck friend”.

Two extremes, the north and south of it all, I wonder if real life is the happy median.

Musings on Stormtroopers.... Thoughts of a fanboy

Since the first time I saw Episode IV in 1977 I have been a colossal Star Wars Fan. As I have stated before... If there were ever any prequels made... which there were’nt... I would not be a fan. ANH, ESB and ROTJ hold a place in my heart and a permanent hunk of my imagination. Since that day over 30 years ago, I have also been a fan of what I consider to be the #1 best conceived and visualized bad guy foot soldier in all of SciFidom.... The Stormtrooper.

The Zenith, to me, for those white armored servants of the empire, was Star Wars ( or as it is known now to the kids... Star Wars: A New Hope). I could tell the gentle reader about the subtle changes in the armor making process over the movies and that in Star Wars the armor actually had more pieces then the other movies those making it appear more articulate... but I shall refrain. To the Clockwinder it just appeared that the stormtrooper was more real then in the other films of the series.

From that first shoot out at the beginning of the film to the explosion of the Deathstar I buy the fact that these guys are the empires badasses. The Stormtroopers on Tatooine ( Sandtrooper was actually a latter term, the original script and novelization by Lucas referred to them as Stormtroopers) were a incredible work of the costuming art, the dirt and grime, the rank paldrons and backpacks made them so believable. The use of old equipment such as German SMG Magazine pouches and the imaginative use of real world weapons and items, for example those Rank Paldrons were actually Motocross Chest Protectors, gave them a unsurpassed Realism. I will still watch those scenes over and over again, “Look Sir Droids”, “How long have you had these Droids” and “Stop that Ship” are like alert words for me to stop what Im doing and look up at the TV.

To me, the Tatooine Stormtroopers show us what these baddies look like on campaign, covered with dirt, burdened with equipment. They are “Salty”, they are hardened veterans who can spot replacements by the shine of there clean armor.... but thats me :o).

In ANH, the weapons of the Stormtroopers were actual dressed up Sterling l2a3 SMG’s with some of the other heavier weapons being played by MG34’s, MG15’s and Lewis Guns that gave them a real non-plastic look and feel. The Sterlings actually fired blanks and in some scenes you can see the spent casings ejecting from some weapons. This gave them a kick and flash that was a hallmark of ANH and ESB ( After ESB they decided to go to Replica Sterlings and resin casts).

I know its a Fanboy nerdling thing, but it always amazes me how we have lost the ability to replicate the realism of the 1977 film. When I watch the Special edition and I see the added Stormtroopers in the “Look Sir, Droids” scene... I am Appalled by the lack of Artistry. They look like some one took a pant brush and just splotched on some brown paint, their backpacks look like they were made by Kenner and their paldrons out of felt... its like the difference between night and day. It is strange that perhaps the best trooper costuming since ESB has been accomplished by fans and maybe that says a little about the difference between Love and a Job.

In ESB we were introduced to Snowtroopers and it wasnt until Bespin that the ol Stormies showed up in any numbers. In ROTJ with the time and cost saving measures the Stormtrooper didnt seem as “Real” as he had in the past and the sillines of the great Ewok war only compounded the downward slide... but they were still there and still cool, not some CGI generated Piece of bantha crap like Clonetroopers that in 2 movies and numerous cartoons, have never been a 16th as cool as the Stormtrooper.

Here I sit, 45 years old, writing a blog post about fictitious bad guys from a movie over 30 years ago. Yes, I will place my “Loser” crown on my troubled brow and wear it proudly, because even after 3 decades I still enjoy watching those movies and I still think that the Imperial Stormtrooper was the best conceived and executed Baddy in all of Scifi and Fantasydom.

Big Trouble.... Big fun

In the last post I talked about the movie “The Fifth Element”, in one of the responses, Aravan, mentioned the movie “Big Trouble in Little China”.... to me both movies share some of the same qualities and then some. BTLC is another movie that its hard to find haters of and a gem that the Clockwinder will watch time and time again.

Made in 1986 and starring Kurt Russell as the hero Jack Burton, the movie is a zany mix of Kung-fu, action and super-natural thriller that is sprinkled generously with clever comedy that works on a incredible level.

One of the things I love is the fact that the hero often thinks he is more of a hero then he actually is... He isnt the best fighter, he isnt the cleverest but he sure as hell has cornered the market on Heroic Attitude. From the movies opening lines to the credits he delivers cock sure quips and monologs even though he is usually wrong and often is bested.... But you love him. He has a hero’s heart... even though sometimes other attributes may be found lacking.

The Story centers around David Lo Pan ( who is actually a ancient cursed 2000 year old chinese mystic) and his search for a Green eyed girl to lift his curse. Toss into this The street gangs the evil Wing Kong and the Chang Sing along with the “Three Stoms” your in for a treat.

Its the dialog that is the real gem in this movie, at times it seems that every line russell delivers will be quoted by geekdom for eternity. One of his lines is “ Everybody relax, I’m Here” is a example of the unwarranted cocksurness that is Jack Burton. I have to say, the master piece of dialog in this movie is when Jack comes face to face with Lo Pan and cliche villain monologging meets Jack Burton’s not so inner voice, where he calls the villian “Dave” and asked him “Are you Crazy... Is that your problem?”.

This movie is Kurt Russell, one of his greatest performances and I like him as a actor. If you have never seen this movie... Stop everything... Stop Breathing until you see this this film. You will find your self quoting Jack Burton for months and remember one thing....” The check is in the mail”.

The Fifth Element.... something we all can agree on.

Seldom in life is there something that nearly everyone agree’s on... one of the exceptions seems to be the Luc Beeson’s “The Fifth Element”. In looking over my friends favorite movies list and in talking with them, I was shocked by how many of them listed the movie as one of there favorites.

I loved the movie ( and I am obviously not the only one), though I sometimes find my self at a loss to explain why, its special effects werent eye popping and some of the casting was... well... odd ( the federation president.), but I do love this film.

The film stars Bruce Willis as a ex-special forces cab driver and Milla Jovovich as the universes supreme being... the fifth element. <--- you see, just writing that sentence you sit there and say “w..t ... Cap F” but for some reason it works. Chris Tucker as the inexplicable Ruby Rod... might even have been this movies Jar-Jar binks but for some reason his character works.

The movie is not Shakespeare... its not the art in its highest form, it is however a amazing example of what hollywood sometimes forgets.... A fun movie. From start to finish my mind was never caught up in trying to figure out sublime plots or Machiavellian manipulations... the movie practically spells out everything you need to know in the first 20 minutes and Just takes you on a fun ride from there.

If I were to explain some of the scenes here... in black and white, you would probably think I was kidding, for instance, the head general of the federation shows up at the heroes apartment, which is the size of a closet, to recruit him for a super vital mission, in the middle of the meeting, the super-hawt Milla shows up at his door so he hides the military people in his refrigerator... But some how, it works.

I guess it helps that Milla Jovovich is so easy on the eyes, and she actually manages to bring something to her character, a certain naive frailty balanced with super badass. I still quote her “Lilo Dallas... Multipass” line whenever I have to produce my Driver license.

The film is full of scenes that I love, one of them is the performance of the Diva Piavalaguna, for some reason I find that alien singing on stage 100% more believable then any of Lucas’s CGI mess at Jabba’s Palace. I also love the scenes with Ian Holm as Father Vito Cornielus, its all just flat out fun.

Then there is Corbin Dallas... who hasn’t wanted to be the cocksure wise crackin hero and nobody plays it better then Bruce Willis. His negotiations with the Mangalores aboard the “Cruise Ship”... who hasnt wanted to be that cool.... and get the super hawt girl to boot.

Allot of the production, sets and costumes, struck me as very Heavy Metalish(the magazine not the movie) and I understand Moebius and several other artist help with the design work.

In writing this, I sit her and wonder why? Its one of those movies that if Im channel surfing and stumble on it, I have to watch... Why? I think the answer FOR ME is, that it IS a great, fun movie

Vampires.... Meh!

I was trying to figure out why I have never gotten into the whole Vampire craze. From the White Wolf game to the insanely popular novels I have always been sort of “Meh” over these lusty walking dead ticks.

I did love the first two “Underworld” movies and I will point out that Kate Beckensale as Selene is welcome in my escape pod any day, but I have never been flat out crazy about most anything else that relates to them.

I did watch that show on HBO “True Blood” and did find it entertaining but still it would be something I would miss if anything else was on. God did I hate Twilight with its disco ball Vamps and “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” by Coppola sucked.

Here is the thing, I actually liked Bram Stoker’s Book, I read it on a whim back in my Arcade days and thought it was great. Dracula in the book, was almost a background character, and the chase and fight at the end was a thrill. So why do I hate all other Vampire fiction? I hardly a purest, I don’t belong to the Stokerites or the like... why?

The best I can figure out is that, to me, Vampires equate to evil, Tales of victorious vampire hunters may appeal to me more then the angst ridden blood suckers whining about how horrible their lives are or how sad it is they can’t love a mortal blah blah blah ( sit out and watch the sun rise if your cursed life sucks so bad).

I know... I probably dont grasp all the subtle nuances of the genre, but I always get annoyed that there are so man Vampfic books and shows about Vampires out there. I will say, as long as Kate B squeezes into that black outfit though.... I won’t say its entirely without its merits.

Children's Theatre....

It was one of those “Daisy Chain” kind of thoughts, something got me thinking of something that made me remember my days working at Delaware Children’s theatre. Not a unpleasant bunch of memories, I can’t believe it was so long ago.

It was the first year they had moved to the new building ( the old “New Century Club”) on Delaware Avenue, my friend Amocay had talked me into volunteering to help on a production of “Wizard of Oz” and I ended up staying for years.

It is cliche to say, but to me there was a certain magic to that theatre, specially in the new building. It had a balcony, a beautiful (but smallish) stage and dressing rooms and a band balcony above the stage... very victorian (and at night, somewhat scary). The shows had a certain “little Rascals” feel about them, undoubtedly something was always left to the last second but the curtain always went up on time.

I still remember the cursed production of “Hedi”, during one show, the light board ( a ancient Dr Frankenstein like panel from the turn of the prior century) caught on fire and I ended up lighting the entire show with my spot from the balcony.

When I started to help there I was all of 18 or 19, all I wanted to do was work my light. I would always have been up late the night before, watching movies or gaming or something. I think the first time I got “The call” from Mrs S was on a production of “pinocchio”. She walked up to me, a few days before opening and told me that the guy playing the coachman had dropped out and asked me if I would fill in. Being a trooper I said yes... but with the stipulation that I didnt have to sing... this was agreed to and sure enough a few days latter on opening day I WAS singing on stage ( “The wonderful land of the toys” probably never sounded so bad).

I remember stepping in at the last minute to be the Huntsman in snow white and probably my greatest roll... that of Homer Zuckerman, the farmer from Charlottes web. I was asked to play Homer a few weeks before opening so I should have guessed that another shoe had to fall to truly make it a Clockwinder role... the shoe falling was the guy playing Lurvey dropping out like the day before we opened. Why is this a issue you ask... well almost all my lines were to Lurvey and I was given the “Brian take care of it wink”. I ended up delivering lines to Lurvey as if he was off stage and repeating the important parts of his lines like I was clarifying them “ Whys this pig so special?” sort of thing ( “SOME PIG”).

There were some truly magical moments and performances at the theatre, I still know almost every song in “Alice in wonderland” and the “Fabulous Fable Factory”. They usually had a fundraiser every year, a play geared to a adult audience, one year it was “The Sound Of Music” and I was not only stage Manager but Herr Zeller as well, all my exits were followed by a mad dash to a curtain or backdrop line.... but it was fabulous.

The kids... OMG... every show had dozens of kids as chorus, munchkins, cursed swiss alps people or mindless zombies... at least thats how I remember it. They were fantastic, just sitting around clowning with the kids was worth every second of my time there. I meet so many talented people there even some of the younger stars had more talent then you could imagine.

It was fun being a Techie in those days, there was always a line that a lead would have trouble with...time and time again and you would all be on the headsets routing for them “OW So close!”. Or those heads up moments when a actor would suddenly skip ahead 4 pages of script... believe it or not... it was fun.

Children's Theatre, when I worked there had a vibe, almost a reverence, to this day I swear if you cussed in that place the god lord’s foot would descend through the roof and kick your butt... I still remember one late night working on sets when Mr. H. hit his hand with a hammer and uttered “the” cuss word and everyone just froze waiting for judgement day.

In the end I think it was Children’s theatre that grew up, not me... it was getting more and more professional and I wasn’t. We parted ways, DCT still entertains children on weekends and gives young actors a place to grow and I still remember my time there is something magical, cherishing my memories of those days. I’m shore I owe some of my better qualities to those hectic productions and fantastic people.

My Super Bowl Victory....

Yes, I like the Packers and Yes.... Yes they won, but that is not my super bowl victory. My Victory came in the form of of a 30 second spot during the 2nd quarter.

Yes it was the first Trailer for the up coming movie “Captain America: The First Avenger”. Its no surprise to those who know me that I am a big Captain America fan. I have been waiting for some footage from this movie since they first announced it. The stills have been great, I have loved what they did with Cap’s costume and Chris Evans I think, has really stepped up and looks the part.

The Trailer was ... IMO... Fantastic, It showed Cap as a scrawny teenager, then him as a scrawny soldier ( I believe in the original books he was actually 4F and unable to enlist but thats ok). They show him receive the Super Soldier Serum and BAM!! Buff Chris Evans.

Another thing I noticed (In fact like a good geek I ran home to my computer and frame by framed it) Were Members of the Howling Commandos in some scenes... the Derby Wearing “Dum-Dum” Dugan and someone who appears to be “Pinky” Pinkerton ( The Beret wearing limey) can be seen as well as what appears to be a oriental fellow??

Now I am still very upset that Samuel L Jackson is Nick Fury, that still bugs me... but the addition of these characters is nothing but more icing on a already iced cake. The Red Skull looks good as well and Hydra is in evidence through out the clip.

And the Shield...oh yes, they even showed the shield, both in it painted and unpainted form. I probably would have like a more dramatic reveal of the the shield... but I am happy with what they showed.

Someone did mention that there weren't going to be Nazi’s and just Hydra... and that would bother me. Why bother to show Cap in his original setting if you weren’t going to have him go toe to toe with those goose stepping bums, But we’ll have to see.

You may have enjoyed your car commercials... your Soda can Slinging, cell phone hawking dorito selling spots, hell you may have even enjoyed the game.... but for me, the victory was seeing that first Trailer for Captain America.

The link to the trailer is http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1810026349/video/24097036

Note: In the picture above, that is supposedly Bucky standing to Caps right (our right).

Sorry Clockwork world....

I missed a few days didn't I. Well yesterday was a utter nightmare... me and the world were just a little off kilter. I also got into a beta test for a new MMORPG called "Rift" that doesn't appear to be half bad. I'm having some fun with that.

I did some gun work the other day and have to say everything went together fine, I did receive a washer "to take up some play" in between some parts but as it turns out, There was only play when I used the washer.

Another Rainy winters day... truth be told, I wouldn't have minded some rain but it is what it is.

Sorry I let you go so long Blog... I'll try to keep up.

Create your own Hero.... Just add water.

I wonder what our individual concept of a “hero” says about us? I mean, If you ask some one to create a hero... not one that has, like a Mother Teresa or a Audie Murphy, existed, but one created from their imagination, would any two peoples “hero’s” be alike?

I guess for the exercise I’d put the stipulation that the hero must exist in a “Fantasy” setting, not historical, not Science Fiction and does not live in the Modern world. No other restrictions, they need not be human, even bipedal or have a spine.

My hero... I believe... would be human, a man who shows the miles of travels and the hardship of his adventures in the weariness of his eyes. He would have just returned from a crusade or campaign that few others had, one that tested his beliefs to the core of his being. Even in the hardest of circumstances he would have comported himself to his simple Moral code when abandoning it would have been the easiest path. My hero would have conquered great hardships to return to his simple life, A farm or mill, where he would try to forget about his past, locking away his weapons in a attic like he trys to lock away the memories in the darkest recesses of his mind.

He would be a swordsman of unparalleled ability, but his style would be simple no waisted motions, the method of a man who has learned his art from the battles he has fought and not from teachers who have not.

The hero would not be knowledgeable in refine learning, but a genius in the now useless skills learned by years living on the edge of the razor, perhaps even mocked for not knowing the latest fashions or song.

He would go on his quest reluctantly, but it is through the completion of his quest that he would redeem some portion of his soul that was all but lost before... his reward would not be treasure, not be magic... but inner peace and when offered power he would refuse.

There are so many types of heroes in the history of the planet, I imagine some go in and out of vogue as the years pass and sensibilities change. Why do some people like one type and others another?

Now this is just off the cuff, perhaps all this sort of thing says about a person is that they have a over active imagination or perhaps it says something about the person they wish they could be, I certainly don’t know I am just wondering out loud but take a moment and think, what type of Hero would you Create and why?

Ivan Rietman's Heavy Metal

I was thinking of the Movie “Heavy Metal” tonight. I can’t believe it was released way back in 1981. For a animated movie it had some really great segments.

I think my favorites were “Harry Canyon”, The Taxi driver segment, “Den”, about the geek teleported to a far off planet where he is a huge warrior and of course “Taarna”, the warrior woman who battles against the odds as hordes of Locknar infected beings try to stop her.

1981, I remember going to see it in the theatre, all of 15 years old. Ralph Bakshi had released some adult oriented animated features (thank god for the State theatre... where i saw them) but nothing like Heavy metal. It was probably the first animated film I saw with gore and nudity.

It was a Teens dream, rock-n-roll, violence and Nudity... it seemed fashioned for the 16 to 22 year old market. The Segment “Den” really talked to me, who didnt want to be the Mighty Warrior, who didn't want to have the Hawt women at his feet while he hacked and shot his way to victory.

I think the b-17 segment was the one I disliked the most... I didn't hate it, but for some reason It didn't do anything for me. All the others were the funny ones, many we still quote today (“Steerrrrnnnn”).

“Heavy Metal” was a testosterone and adrenaline powered ride wrapped in surprising animation styles. It was my introduction to Heavy Metal Magazine and to some artists like Corben and Moebius. I still enjoy watching Heavy Metal now and then, yes, with my introduction to Anime, some of the animation has lost its luster... but its still a fun movie to watch.

Ok enough!!!.... Im old enough to decide for my self

I was noticing, since we are in the midst of award season, that the TVs and internets seem to be buzzing with women and not so macho guys trying to tell me who is attractive and who isnt and why.

First... I am old enough to decide for my self and I certainly don’t need all the Mr Blackwell wannabes telling me why they look ridicules. I find it odd thats its usually women telling me that such and such has gained weight, or so and so looks horrible in the blue floral print or better yet.... a guy who obviously looks like he isnt troll’n for a hawt starlet to date.

Second.... Im sorry, all the men I know like women to have curves, this obsession with emaciated starlets is not my fault. I much prefer curvy “Career Opportunities” Jennifer Connely over thinner blood diamond ( or god forbid... the forgotten hulk) Jen. I find it crazy when stalker photographers follow starlets to the beach and snap some photo’s then print then on Yahoo or Comcast home pages with captions “ Jennifer Love Hewitt puts on weight” or something like that.... the whole time I look at the picture and think “She looks good”

I remember reading that its mens ideal of a woman that drives young women to anorexia or bulemia.... they want to conform to that ideal so bad. I honestly don’t think its us, Men don’t (for the most part) produce and edit the great woman’s fashion magazines... and we sure as hell don’t read them.We don’t watch Extreme Makeover or top model... at least I dont. Must of the guys I know like the 40’s pin-up look over the Vogue cover look any day.

It just drives me crazy, every year Im being told why these people are ugly or fat like I don’t have the sense to figure it out my self.

Geek Chic.... Gaming tables we dream of.

When I was at Historicon last year, there was a company called "Geek Chic" there selling purpose built gaming furniture. It was amazing, everything true geeks had dreamed of for years ( with maybe the exception of a Tavern in their basement :o).

I have to say, If I ever got around to finishing the basement... one of these tables might end up in it.

http://www.geekchichq.com/Co_Store/Co_Store.html

A Day at the Beach??...

for the shore for a week”. My own family loves it, My mother lives down there, my Aunt owns a house down the shore and everyone dreams of their time on the sandy shores... everyone but me.

I will start with a disclaimer.... We met my Brother and law and his family down there last year and I had a blast watching the kids frolic but in general... I loathe the beach and I think I have since I was in High School.

To me, Mountains and forest have always been the places I wanted to escape to. I remember as a kid laying on the ground in the middle of a pine forest, on a bed of needles listening to a near by stream thinking how grand it was.

When I was at a moment in my life when I had few friends I remember ranging the woods and hills around Pike Creek, even in the snow and enjoying it. When I lived in Newkirk estates we practically lived down in the woods along the creek. During the Autumn and early Fall, you could find a spot out of the wind, and all though in the open it was cold, in your secluded spot the sun would warm ya to the point you almost wanted to fall asleep.

People would always squawk about going to the beach, I can honestly say I probably spent more time in the antique shops in and around Lewes then on the beach. I do go, my wife loves it and thats reason enough, the kids are enjoying it more and more. I don’t ever see me selling the kids on going to the Shanandoah for a week... Though I did kidnap Kevin to Harper’s Ferry and enjoyed it immensely ( though Kevin only liked it).

Do I have a Screw lose? undoubtedly, but The beach just doesnt hold the same appeal for me as others... I may not be the only one but sometimes I feel as though I am.

Thoughts while shoveling snow...

Not so much thoughts as they are Day Dreams, ways to occupy my mind while shoveling.

I usually start off with the one where I am a American Folk hero, sort of like John Henry, but white and fat.... and its up to me to clean up after the Great Fluff-n-nutter train derailment of 09. The vaccine can’t get through unless I... The Clockwinder... clear the tracks of the gooey goodness of Fluff-n-nutter. Generally there is usually a song that goes with this... with Pete Seeger leading the town folk.

When that runs its course, and ya still have half a driveway to clear, I reach deep. Tonight it was one where I am a Barbarian... allot like Conan... if Conan looked like me. You know the story, parents killed by a evil guy, im sold into slavery, but where as Conan had his giant wheel to push to make him strong... I have snow shoveling. Of course there are super hawt babes that dig me for my shoveling prowess and there is a epic battle ( or shovel off) against the Evil lord who killed my parents and his army of snow men ( winning involved a snow ball as a distraction). I have a great line before I kill him with my shovel... “Dig This!”.

Shoveling is a Boredom and monotony sandwich with a serving suck on the side... ya have to do what ya can to enjoy it :o)

Ok... the more I see about this movie the more its like they stepped inside my brain and made a movie called "Brian Kendall's freakn Awesome Movie"

http://suckerpunchmovie.warnerbros.com/#

Ok, women, you may not be into SciFi babes blasting through a super-cool dreamscape, but I think it looks great... you can always dream up a sequel to "Dirty Dancing" or something... Wait... Never mind.

I hope this movie is half as good as it looks.

Masks we wear....

noticed today, as I was at a appointment talking to a young lady, that there are masks we wear. For me, it was the mask of a corporate Douche bag, sounding like someone concerned about how his quarterly review was going to turn out.

It was probably one of the few times in my life that being “Brian” would have been a advantage... but though you may not believe it, I am shy and have confidence issues and when I am nervous I “hide” behind a mask... this one being the mask I wore for 17 years “Professional Brian” the banking tool.

I think I even used buzz words, I mean everything I said was true, it answered the questions, it was just like hearing it out of the mouth of someone else. I’m surprised I didn't bring up metrics and things that I had accomplished the last quarter.

Im sure everyone else does it, we have it drilled into us “This is what we expect” that the real “us” gets taken out to decompress when we get home for a few hours before bed. At work you could tell who I was talking to by the way I sounded, If I knew the person on the phone, I’d crack jokes, make fun, ask about family... what ever, but if I didnt know the person It was all formal this and that.

I remember I started eating lunch with some of the Technical folks at work (Greatest Gang ever) and how surprised they were how different I acted once I got to know them, they thought I was just a PMO tool.... I was just keystrokes and phone calls I never “dropped down” to talk.

Oh well, we learn, I cant say I won’t put the mask on again, it is one that Im used to and has it uses in the right place... I just wish I could be me when Im in the Nervous moments.

Over 4000 Views?? ...We almost slept through it.

Good friend Aravan pointed out that the old Jalopy has puttered past the 4000 views mark...WOOT!!! Thanks friends for viewing my meaningless drivel... Here's to my Drivel production gland and more Drivel producing!

What Character am I... How about 9th level Awesome!

I Am A: Neutral Good Human Ranger (6th Level) Ability Scores: Strength-18 Dexterity-19 Constitution-19 Intelligence-19 Wisdom-17 Charisma-19 Alignment: Neutral Good A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. However, neutral good can be a dangerous alignment because it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable. Race: Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like. Class: Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter's dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast. Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Surprise Surprise!!!... ‘Wolfhound” Review

My eldest son today woke up with a fever and a sore throat so The Clockwinder ran him in to the doctor... long story short, Strep Throat. This required us to pick up some antibiotics and as we waited for the prescription to be filled I stopped at the local Blockbuster. They had a couple movies that I wanted and when I went to pay, the girl said “You know its 4 for 20.00?” so I went to look for a couple more... I choose one simply because it looked like it would fit nicely into my Bad Fantasy Film collection. Noting earlier posts on the jalopy, I wasn't expecting much more then a good laugh when I slid “Wolfhound” into the DVD player... boy I was wrong.

“Wolfhound” is a russian film and on the back cover it had a quote from a “critic” claiming it was “Lord of the Rings meets Conan”. As the movie began... I was “This is exactly like “Conan” you know the drill, blacksmith family, marauders boy becomes slave thing, but you know after 8 minutes I wasn’t minding it.

The boy grows up into the typical vengeance seeking warrior, sporting impressive scars and traveling with a Bat as a companion ( I hate bats... but I loved this one). He tracks down the guys responsible for his parents death all the time doing the right thing, helping the down trodden and saving princesses (ok... one princess). The movie ends in a fight against the not so human big baddy and becomes a epic Wagner like battle between the hero and a woken god.

This movie actually works, the production value is fantastic and it being Eastern european, isnt like allot of films we have seen. Sure, this film isnt Hamlet, but its a good solid Fantasy film, about 173 times better then most schlock we have to digest. The city they go to, almost entirely log construction...was amazing.

There were no Hollywood “plastic” babes in this movie ( for better or worse) but they had some really good female roles. There was one scene, where they save a “witch” and a baby that ended up not having much of a impact or reason story wise, but that could have been editing, she did provide some back story.

I was just surprised as heck with this movie, I had never heard of it, was ready to Riff on it and ended up being a fan. Check this out if your a genre fan and get a chance.

( I have a copy I can pass around )

Computer games... How I miss thee.

I like to play games on the PC... it makes me happy. MMORPG, regular RPGs and strategy games have filled many joy filled hours of my life... but not recently.

I did enjoy Mass Effect 2, I had never played 1 but 2 was outstanding... but thats really it. Nothing new has really come out recently, nothing really grabs me. I still every once in a while replay Fallout 1 and 2, Starcraft but nothing new.

I have played MMORPGs for years, Star Wars Galaxies, WOW, EQII, LOTROL, WHOL and DDO and loved them. I reinstated my WOW account late last year, but it just wasn’t the same ( I did however get to see the Cataclysm changes). DDO and LOTR both are free now and I have thought about going back, but They just dont have the same appeal for me.

“Maybe your growing up” you say “No frickn way!” I snap back, I desperately want to play something... its just not there. Friends say to wait for the new Star Wars MMORPG but that could be years and require a new machine... I want my medicine now!

I have a tendency to get motion sick with 1st person games... but I have been messing with Brothers in arms and have been doing ok but its like a bandage over a deeper wound... more treatment is needed.

I can see the end of PC gaming coming, I watch as stores carry less and less PC games... how more and more games are made for the consoles, but I still I want one last hurrah... one last great PC game that will blow my socks off, so great that they’ll make it into a movie. Come on game companies don’t let me down.

A Dredd-full post...

Ok... as I said I was a Comic fan, during that golden time I attended A collectables show at the Christiana mall ( This was in the early 80’s) while my mother shopped I mindlessly went through the booths of antiques, collectables and knick-knacks. One fellow was selling old newspapers and magazines, I went through his bargain bin and found a armful of what appeared to be a sunday morning comics section... they were “2000 AD” a english publication that ran some serialized US comics and there own... one of those was a comic called “Judge Dredd”

I loved it, in fact at of all the “2000 AD” comics it is the only one I really remember, especially Judge Dredds battle against Judge Death. Citadel... that was what Games Workshop was called in the olde days published a game set in the world of Judge Dredd and I think I was the only person in the US to buy it.

Judge Dredd was the law in every sense of the word, the Judges had the power to not only apprehend criminals but to charge and pass sentence on the spot. They did this in the massive Megacity 1 ( which covered most of the US NE) with its rebelling robots and rioting citizens.

Then came the year 1995... and they made a movie staring Sylvester Stalone... ok, it wasn't that good, to level set, it also starred Rob Schneider... the true herald of a piece of S movie. I just subjected myself to watching this movie... twice, truth is I think they did alright with some of the design elements, it was truly the story and acting that sunk that movie ( and Diane Lane could arrest me anyday dressed like that).

One of the things that really bugged me about the movie, was Dredd’s face, in the comic, his face had been disfigured in a fight against a “Perp”... I mean horribly disfigured... One time he was fighting some carjackers and they squirted something on his helmet and he had to take it off ( a censored bar appeared over Dredds face in the next panel) all the Criminals freaked he was so ugly... but they dropped that. Dredd in the comic was not a hulking mass of muscle... but he was in the movie.

The movie I believe is another case of hollywood not taking a comic “Seriously”, this was the standard issue in 90’s comics movies... in fact I would say that the only movies to buck the trend are some of the recent Dark Knight movies, “Sin City”, “The Watchmen” and “The 300 hundred”.

I was posting Dredd movie quotes on FB and a friend... whom we’ll call Matt Uaneray... mentioned they maybe doing a new Dredd movie with Karl Urban as Dredd... I looked it up and sure enough they are... I honestly wish them luck and have high hopes... if not.. I shall judge them.

The Cheesecake Factory.... TEMPLE OF EVIL!!!!

The MLK holiday has traditionally been a “Date” day for my wife and I. We go out to lunch do some shopping... just a relaxing kind of day. This year we decided to make a trip to The Cheesecake Factory at the Christiana mall, both of us had never been so we looked forward to our lunch.

For lunch itself, we started out with the corn fritters... they were kind of “Meh” neither outstanding nor sucking. Kathy ordered the Quesadilla which she considered kind of middle of the road. I on the other hand, had ordered the Blackened Chicken Sandwich off the cuff when the pasta I was going to order didnt sound quite so good when the waitress described it, I was not disappointed, it was a tasty sandwich, one I would get again.

For desert I had my first piece of Cheesecake. There was some tense moments when it seemed like every desert they had was festooned ( DING!!! first time I used that word in a sentence) with nuts and I prepared to skip Desert. Kathy ordered her Cheese cake and the waitress began to panic and name off deserts that may or may not have had nuts. I have never been a cheesecake fan... in fact one could say I hate cheesecake but I ordered some sort of Banana Cheesecake on a “What the Hey!” kind of whim, figuring if I didn't eat it, we could take it home for Kathy. I have to say I enjoyed it, I thought the Bannanas could have been riper but it was good... and thats saying allot from me.

The service was good, even though the restaurant was crowded our waiters made every effort to make sure we were taken care of. We werent delayed in any way when we were ready to pay, the restaurant was clean.... And Seemingly pleasant.... Seemingly.

My eyes started to drift around, taking in the decor of the place, at first I was ”awe thats nice” but slowly the icy hand of terror started to grip my soul. First their were these pillars... some sort of sacrificial pillars to a ancient egyptian god of evil confectionaries... I swear, look at those things, you can see the evil gaze of egyptian faces glaring out at you. I figure they probably don’t sacrifice there everyday... but I’m not going to be near that place on a equinox.

Then there were the mini eyes of Sauron Everywhere I am not making this up... look at the pictures... Its a shame because if there is one group of people that would probably love them some cheesecake its hobbits but I don’t see one stepping within 300 feet of this place and its all seeing eyes of evil.

So by all means... eat at the Cheesecake Factory... but be very very careful.

Super Heroes & Comics.... A Geeks Shakespeare

Harry Potter and other teen lit are devoured by young teens now a days like a Shark feeding frenzy. Book stores have midnight releases that people line up for days in advance . In my day I think young teens had the Tired Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew series ( That I believe the last book was written in the early 60’s) and nothing more. But we did manage to find a outlet for our literary void in the story’s of Marvel and D.C. Comics.

I hated DC comics ( with the exception of their War titles)... I never liked their heroes... my first introduction to marvel was Sgt Fury, My Friend up the street gave me two hard bound small books that were compilations of the Fantastic Four, my Super Hero eyes were at last opened.

Captain America (Spoiler Alert: AKA Steve Rogers) was my early favorite and still holds a warm place in my heart. As I got older I turned to the Uncanny Xmen, though not the originals ( I.E. The Beast etc). I am still amazed at some of the story arcs they had, The graphic novel “God Saves, Man Kills” and the Phoenix Saga were but a few. I also was a follower of the “New Mutants” books from issue 1, allot of angst filled stories. I read some less popular titles, Vietnam, G.I. Joe and the Micronauts and I actually thought G.I. Joe had some good stories as well.

I remember the Secret Wars, The Beyonder and all the Franklin Richards jokes all the Comic Geeks used to toss around with nerdy abandon. The thrill of my first Comic convention up in the Radision in Wilmington... then a larger one in Philadelphia.

Comics were my geeky crack for a while... always stopping by Captain Blue hens (when it was in the house on main street) to see if they had the latest version of this or that. I still remember my favorite Comic female... That would be Rogue from the Xmen... and my favorite sound effect... When Thunderchief hit Wolverine square in the jaw “SPANG!”.

Sadly I also remember the day I stopped being a diehard comic fan, when I stopped going to the Comic Store every week. I picked up my latest issue of the Xmen... and there emblazoned on the cover, was the title “Phoenix lives”...”WTF” I thought, hadn’t I just lived through the original Phoenix saga... were they that desperate for stories that they were digging up Jean Gray that fast? I havnt picked up a Mutant book since.

I began to move from the DC/ Marvel world, Direct Comics ( Man...The Rocketeer is still one of my fav’s) and the new world of Manga. In High school I started to read Fantasy but I’ll still picked up a book now and then. I don’t think the Kids these days eat them up like we did, I could be wrong. I wonder if they still have that excitement...the anticipation... getting that book and cracking it open for the first time and getting to one of those “No Flaking way!!!” moments that twenty years latter you still talk about (“Watchmen” or the “Dark Night Returns”for example). For some of my generation the Graphic novel and comic were the finest literary works of the age.